Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Doc, drugs, and the art of doing nothing.

Doc: "Where's the worst of it?"

Me: "Neck and left shoulder."

"OK. What happened?"


"Just life, huh?"

Now my voice is muffled because I'm lying on my stomach with my face in that head pillow thingy. I really just want to stay there all day.
"Yep. I've been doing lots of work around the house lately."

"And probably twice as much as usual, right?"
He knows Steve is working out-of-state.

"Yeah. Do ya' think I could clone myself?"

"How many times?"


He's working his way from my hips to my shoulders, palpating my spine.
"Oh. OH. This is bad."

"Yeah. Wanna' hear something crazy? It's actually better than it was yesterday."

"Ya' got quite a speed bump there."

"No kidding."

This is where he tells me to take a deep breath and let it all the way out.

The stabbing pain is immediately replaced by a dull ache. Ahhh, relief.


My nose starts draining.

"And again."

I feel like I can run a marathon. OK, maybe a 5k. Maybe walk a 5k. Slowly.

This time the neck. 

I think I see stars on the backs of my eyelids. 

Why did I wait so long?

This is really going to hurt later.

I wonder if we still have any prescription-strength painkillers in the cupboard.

"You're going to take it easy today, right?" 


"NO chores."


Here comes my favorite part: massage. He uses some vibrating shiatsu-looking thing. Not as nice as a hands-on massage, but I'll take it. 

"You really need to be careful today. Get some heat on there to loosen up those muscles and take something for your pain. This is gonna' be sore for a while."

"Got it."

That's it. Adjustment done. I take a deep breath before I rise up on all fours, then slowly climb off the table

"You're going to want to take a day off. Or TWO." Emphasis his.

~ ~ ~

Right. Two days? No bending, lifting, twisting, pulling? No can do, chief. I totally respect the doc and all he does for the spinal health of humankind, but I can't put life on hold while I heal up. And really, who could?

In the interest of not completely incapacitating myself, though, I promise I'll do less than nothing at least until my kids get off the school bus today. That gives me a good ... oh ... seven hours from the time I left the doc's office.

The drugs are already kicking in and the couch is calling my name. 

So ... happy Cinco de Mayo, amigos. It's time for a lengthy siesta. Hasta maƱana.