This dream is becoming a reality.

Life has been happening, peeps.

I end my days with the kind of sleep that's so sound I don't even dream, exhausted after each day of parenting, working, thinking, planning, doing. The ball is rolling on one of my long-held dreams and as it picks up speed I am hustling to keep ahead of it. Or to keep up with it?

(Incidentally, I started this post several days ago and then spent this entire past week in sick bay - not working, barely parenting, mostly sleeping and sipping tea and chicken broth. Fortunately I'm on the mend now.) 

I am taking the plunge and becoming an entrepreneur. Starting a business. Steve and I have spitballed ideas over the years as we see businesses or buildings come up for sale. We tell each other how nice it would be to work for ourselves. But the pieces never came together like they have this time.

The one big difference this time is this new business is my baby. It is born of the visions in my mind, and I am doing all the leg work to get it off the ground while Steve continues to work at the job that provides for all the essentials for our family.

I'll continue at my part-time job, too. The cool thing is my new place is less than a block away from where I currently work. It's not much now - just a vacant building and a parking lot - but next spring it will be the home of a weekend farmers' market and the beginning of a produce stand/country store/urban garden/community gathering place.

Can't quite see the vision? That's ok. It's a lot to wrap your head around. I expect there will come a point when people see what's happening and think, "Oooooh. Now I get it. Cool!"

But first, the farmers' market. That's the first priority, and what I will spend the most time on over the winter.

Behold, the location:

It was most recently a car wash. Prior to that - decades ago - it was a service station. It's in remarkably good shape ... or a hot mess, depending on how you look at it. I'm going with the more optimistic view, despite the fact that the larger bay doors are so banged up they won't open, and nobody seems to have keys to unlock what we're all sure are restroom doors.

Most people probably look in this direction and see a building far past its heyday. I see a solid structure on a busy corner lot. I see space for people to gather on summer weekends and sell their wares, meet their neighbors, learn from each other. I envision a bustling market. A comfortable oasis with a place to relax in the shade. Community art. Repurposed objects. Color. Life.

There is a little bit of green here. Actually, the green that's here is a little bit out of control.

 

 Monster shrubs need trimming (or removing) ...

Grape vines need to be cut back ...

This will all happen in the spring. I have signed a lease agreement which will begin April 1. So I'm committed! And excited. When sharing my plan with folks I've gotten a lot of positive feedback. Lots of offers to help get things off the ground, and questions related to participating in the farmers' market. Very encouraging.

There is a part of me that can't believe I'm doing this. There's another part of me that walks a little taller these days, confident that I'm doing the right thing at the right time in my life. I'm stepping out in faith with a specific prayer that God would continue to guide me and bless my family on this journey. And also that I will have the patience to make it through the next five months - gracefully - and take care of the paperwork side of things so that on April 1 the physical (fun) work can begin.

The gift of Clarity.

**big exhale**

Road trips have a way of helping me find my bearings.

Even though I love this place we call "home," while I'm away from it I tend to gain a little perspective ... a fresh view (that perhaps I'd lost over the longest. winter. ever.)

My adventurous spirit craved a change of scenery, a warmer climate, time spent with friends who speak with just a hint of a southern drawl. It was just what I needed for spring break this year, and lucky me! The weather timed things perfectly so that we missed the last of the snow showers while we were gone and the snow was almost completely melted from the yard by the time we got back.

While the kids and I were out in West Virginia visiting Steve last week we fell asleep to the sound of the peepers each night and woke up to birds singing every morning. It was heavenly. And sure enough, we're hearing them here at home now, too. Bliss.

This time around, despite the kids getting in a large helping of bickering during the days we didn't leave the campground, I came home feeling refreshed and with a renewed - or strengthened, maybe - sense of purpose. I have struggled over decisions made and directions chosen, but lately I feel like we're on track. I pray often for guidance - as a wife, a mom, a Christian, a friend, a steward - and while there is always room for improvement, today I have a sense of peace.

Dunkard Creek, near our campsite

We got some great family time in during our visit. We ate dinners together. The kids and I went shopping at the mall one day and Rachel finally got to spend her birthday money. I met up with and had a great visit with my girlfriend, Heather. One rainy afternoon Rach and I got hot cocoa and coffee and went on a book binge (lots of summer reading material!). We did a lot of chilling out, napping, reading (me), playing video games (the kids), and just enjoying the break.

My loves.

(This photo pretty well defines how different they are.)

 Camp chickens!

The girls were hanging out right around our trailer when we got there the first afternoon. Steve joked that he had them brought in specially for me, because he knew how much I'd love it.

 I did enjoy watching them scratching around all week!

Rachel enjoyed some quality time with our buddy's Basset Hound, Daisy.

Sweet ride, Sammy.

I'm always sad to have to leave Steve, but at the same time I leave happier because I have been with him. Back here at home I smile at some of the memories we made during this trip, and I look forward to being together as a family again when Steve comes home for Easter.

In lots of little ways I am continually reminded of what is important in my life - what is and what should be. And I am forever grateful that I am able to share my life - however unconventional our lifestyle may be - with these people I adore.

So close to perfect ...

My hands smell of rosemary and thyme. They are what's left in my garden - along with the Chives That Will Not Die and a lone green onion sprout - after what feels like the longest winter ever.

Sometimes I think God must allow us to feel a little pain so we remember just how blessed we are once the sun shines again. Oh, and am I ever thankful the sun is shining now. I am thankful for these recent days of warmer temperatures, and the beautiful thunderstorm I awoke to yesterday morning. Day after day I think today couldn't possibly be better than yesterday. And then it is.

I go through periods of discontent. There are times when I think I might not be on the right path. I wonder if this crazy life we live is really the right life for us. But then I take a long look in the mirror and I see the pink cheeks and shoulders from a day spent in the sun and I know: this is the right path, we are in the right place, I am and I have enough.

We've had an amazing few days. Lots of sunshine and family time. The kids and I spent much of last weekend outdoors, raking and shoveling and prepping for summer. My plants and shrubs are starting to poke up through the ground and show some color. It all makes me so happy.

One evening the kids asked me to go back to the creek with them - a short ride on the golf cart on family property - and it's a wonder we ever came back. It's so beautiful out there. The birds were singing ... frogs croaking ... kids playing and exploring. We all got our feet wet. I took a few pictures, which I will share when I download them from my phone.

Even my allergies have been minimal, which surprises me with all the time I have spent outside and sleeping at night with my bedroom window open. Not to mention two shedding dogs. Mercy. I spent about a half hour outside brushing Gunnar this morning and got a good bushel of fur (I swear!) before he had enough. It cost me a chicken breast to keep him distracted, but no sneezing! And then he thanked me by laying in a mud puddle. *sigh* It's a good thing I'm pretty much ignoring the interior of the house right now because two dogs and a swampy back yard make spring cleaning a lesson in futility. If I can't stand to look at it anymore I just go outside. Which is where I'm headed now.

All this activity is good for the soul. As I walk around and survey the progress of our little homestead I am grateful for the opportunity to be present, not just in the grand scheme, but daily, for the small moments. I can appreciate the small changes, the growth, the color, even if I only see it in passing as I chase down Gunnar The Giant Puppy to retrieve my gardening glove.

Life is good.

Peepers: the precursor to summer and all that is good.

I've been sleeping with my bedroom window open just a little bit these last few nights so the peepers outside can lull me to sleep. It's one of my favorite sounds - that springtime lullaby of frogs in the marshy areas around our house. I relish it on nights like tonight after a hectic evening full of kids and dogs and dinner and homework and wrapping up the tasks of the day. It's still relatively early as I write, but it rained hard and made us all tired ... so the kids are in bed, the animals are settled in, and I'm sitting here in one of my favorite places in the house: at my desk, with Pandora Radio playing quietly on my laptop (tonight's selection: my Phillip Phillips station). Most of the house is dark and I can hear the clocks ticking.

I do really love quiet mornings too, but I am a night owl at heart. Always have been. Tonight the quiet makes me long for warm summer nights sitting on the patio, sipping a cocktail, letting the breeze rustle my hair. We are in the "ugly" phase of spring when everything is still pretty grey and it's too wet to really get any work done outside. We're between seasons - in limbo. I don't do well in limbo.

On a positive note, I've been busy making calls and writing for the newspaper. It's been interesting developing a schedule and figuring out how to make this working from home thing work for me. How quickly I remembered what a drag it is to wait for calls back. But how cool to be able to fold a load of laundry while I'm waiting.

Steve - the real moneymaker of the family - is getting settled in at a new location. He finished up in Colorado and came home at the end of March, was home while the kids were on spring break, and then left late last week to head to W. Virginia. Good news on that front, too: his schedule is working 10 days, then four days off. He'll be home this weekend. He probably won't come home every break ('cause duh, that would be pretty spendy) but it's nice to know that when the kids and I visit we can have a few days of family time. I seriously cannot wait for summer when we'll be able to be together as a family more often. And I'm looking forward to some different scenery and the opportunity to explore a bit.

If only the rain would stop and the sun would shine, the puddles dry up and the flowers bloom. We're waiting ... but my patience is wearing thin.

The only thing we can really count on ... is change.

Forget death and taxes. "Change" is forever the word of the day for the Pipe Lifers. What's that they say? "A rolling stone gathers no moss?" I suppose back in the day being a "rolling stone" was not such a great thing. Always moving around, never sticking in one place or with one task for very long doesn't give a person (or family) time to grow roots ... hence, not much stability.

But I look at it differently. My life never lacks excitement; I'm always on my toes. There's no risk of monotony here (with the exception of the weather, but that's par for the course during Michigan winters). And I wouldn't know how to live any other way. Except that my life is all about being adaptable, so if I ever had a stretch of all-the-same-all-the-time I'd figure that out, too.

Here's the thing, though: I'm a girl who loves a plan. I have a need to know what's ahead. Good, bad or ugly, just let me know so I can be prepared ... that's what I'm always telling Steve. I am forever running through scenarios and what-ifs in my mind, and that's not always a bad thing. It's not worry, per se (though I've done my share of that, too), just a need to be one step ahead. No surprises. Even if we're taking the road less traveled, please just give me some notice so I can pack a bag, ya' know?

And so it is, and has been with us lately.

Not more than a week ago Steve was telling me he'd be working in Colorado longer than expected. I was making plans to fly out there with the kids for spring break at the end of March. I was also slightly cranky that our income taxes were still sitting on the accountant's desk, not done yet. I was counting on that refund to buy some plane tickets.

Well. God has His own timing, doesn't He? Steve may be leaving Colorado in the next couple weeks, taking a short-term job closer to home to get us by until the next big project - the one we've been waiting on - starts around the first of May.

And that would be a good thing, because having Steve within a day's drive from home would make it much easier for us to visit. I haven't seen my sweetheart since December 30th and that's just too long.

I'm sure glad I didn't have a chance to buy those plane tickets to CO. Hmph.

Of course nothing is ever "official" until it actually happens, so I try not to get too excited. The key for me is staying busy here at home, and I've certainly been doing that lately. Aside from the usual shuttling kids around and keeping the household running smoothly, there's always plenty of organizing and decluttering to do, and I've gotten some painting done in the kitchen and the hall bath. This week Sam and I tore up the nasty old carpet in the living room. I don't have anything to replace it with yet, but I'm not scared to walk around on sub-floors for a while. (Helloooo, summer project.) My allergy-prone body is already thanking me for getting that carpet out of here. Steve's not gonna' recognize the place by the time he gets home again.

And the dogs, of course, keep me busy while the kids are at school during the day. I'm looking forward to warmer weather when I can enjoy being outside with them as much as they enjoy being out there.

That's about all I've got as far as updates on us. Not a whole lot of news ... and that's not all bad.

Got the babies all tucked in.

Last year we had frost on May 27.

The weather man tells me we're gonna' get some frost tonight ... or in the morning, I guess. May 31.

**EXPLETIVE!**

So ... I rounded up a bunch of blankets and sheets and Rachel helped me get everything covered.

I have learned it is much easier to do this when it's still light out and isn't already freezing cold out there.

Sleep tight, babies!

BUSY! And some garden photos - woohoo!

We have been so busy. Crazy busy. And while I do try to take a few minutes here and there to enjoy some quiet time for myself, the world doesn't stop just because I am wicked tired.

So, what have we been up to? Let's see. Steve has been working his tail off within the high-security walls of the Marathon oil refinery in Detroit. I don't pretend to understand everything he does. He is responsible for making sure certain contractors do everything by the book and according to the customer's specs and safety guidelines. He has the perfect mix of patience and assertiveness to be a pipeline inspector. I? Would not. I have the "people person" part down, but the patience ... not so much. So mostly I pray for my husband's safety, be supportive when he needs to vent frustrations to me, and try to keep things at a dull roar at home so Steve can focus on his job.

This week was a toughie as far as that "dull roar" thing was concerned. I was unavailable to answer my phone at the moment Sam's school principal called to tell me about some trouble our boy had gotten into at school, so daddy ended up getting that call at work. Hey, it's all part of being a parent, and Steve is great about that, too. I can't be two places at once or available to everybody at all times. But I was sorry Steve had to deal with the initial impact. In the end it was a bit of a hiccup in everyone's day, but you'll have that sometimes.

Sam, I think, will be the happiest kid on the planet when school is done for the year. He has little motivation for school work to begin with, and even less when he makes a poor choice (nothing malicious, just a "bone-headed" thing to do, as I like to say) and it results in revoked privileges and more chores at home. He does have a fire in his gut for other stuff, and will stay up late at night to work on something he loves. And he's been incredibly helpful to me as I've worked on creating new garden spaces at home.

Here he is filling our new raised beds with fresh black dirt. Over the past few weeks we have shoveled and shoveled and raked and shoveled some more.

And he even planted a few of his own plants:

This is one of two pots Sam planted - this one's habanero peppers and he also has cayenne peppers. 

Now what in God's name do you think we're going to do with all those peppers?! I sure ain't eatin' 'em. But hey, caring for some plants and watching them bear fruit is a simple thing that brings him joy. It's all good. (And I do believe he will eat them. He's into this "the hotter the better" kick.)

Rachel has been busy - and has kept me busy - with a little bit of everything. She was so excited for her track and field day at school this week that she was up early that day and crawled into bed with me to wake me up. She had a bag all packed with her lunch, sunscreen, a blanket to sit on, snacks and extra water. I had a chance to stop by the track as I went from one commitment to the next, and I was so glad I did. I watched her win on the last leg of a relay, then watched her take 2nd place in a sprint. She came home with five or six ribbons that day. We might have a runner on our hands!

Rachel has also been helping me in any way she can with my gardens. When we finally started planting I dug up my clump of chives from one garden (which I have given to Rachel to grow flowers for a little cut-flower business she wants to start) and moved them to the new raised veggie beds. Rach had to take a picture of the roots ... I think they're pretty healthy.

To the left there, behind the chives, you can see Kevin. Kevin is a blinged-out garden ornament bird Rachel got me for Mother's Day. She named him after the bird from the movie "Up." Kevin's pretty cool.

I have been gardening a lot. I have built garden boxes, shoveled/loaded/unloaded sand and soil, hauled brick pavers, hoisted and dumped bags of pea stone, built a chicken wire cover to keep the cats out of the garden beds (Oh look!! Giant litter boxes!), and finally got to do some planting. All of that I have done in my spare time when I wasn't picking asparagus for the neighbors, babysitting for another neighbor, tending to my own children, preparing for a trip to Washington, DC with Rachel and about 200,000 other Girl Scouts (have I mentioned that?), nurturing relationships with family and friends, and taking care of all the "regular" household tasks a mama takes care of. It's no wonder I'm tired!

But I do so love these gardens. Last night after the kids had gone to bed I sat on the patio with just the glow of some solar lights, the cool breeze, listening to frogs croaking and crickets chirping ... and I watched the stars appear. I just sat there in the shadows of all this hard work we've been putting in. How often do we take the time to just sit? To just ... be?

I kicked back in that cheap plastic Adirondack chair and thought how nice it would be to have a chaise lounger for the patio. And then I started to think about upgrading the cafe table we have to a nicer set that could seat our whole family ... and more potted plants ... more color ... and a fire pit ... and, and, and ... and I had to stop myself. Reign in it, just like I tell my kids to do. I did, and then I was able to appreciate my surroundings even more. I was able to focus on that feeling of joy, that smile I always smile when I get home after a busy day and see butterflies floating and bumblebees buzzing around the plants scattered all over the yard - and wow, there has been an abundance of all kinds of flying creatures this year. My goal is to enjoy them ... to enjoy the peace they bring me, and savor the joy I feel when I am tinkering in my gardens. And when the light of the day fades, to just sit and know that no matter what happened during the day, tomorrow will dawn bright and new.

Oh! Here are the pictures I promised ...

Clean Slate Sunday: The end of Spring Break '12 edition

I'm happy. We had a wonderful week while Sam and Rachel were on spring break and Steve was home getting ready for the start of a new venture. I'm sure the kids would have liked to be a little busier, but I rather appreciated not traveling and being able to stick close to home.

Of course we waited until the last minute to get a few things done, so Steve and I got up early this morning and I helped him finish packing up the trailer. Mostly by saying, "Don't forget to take (fill in the blank)" and sipping coffee so I wouldn't fall asleep in the middle of Pastor Bill's sermon today.

It was a nice week of reconnecting and reminiscing, and I'm still a little giddy at the idea that we will see Steve again in a few days. We might get to see him every weekend until the kids are out of school for summer, if all goes well. We're all pretty excited about that. It's the little things, I tell ya'.

Steve and my dad and my brother Jim will be working together. Again. They headed out this morning to their home-away-from-home base in southern Michigan, having the trailers set up and the job site checked out by the time I talked to Steve again this evening.

Handsome trio, aren't they? 

Dad, Steve, Jimmy.

They're a force to be reckoned with, these guys. I'm pretty proud of all of 'em.

Tomorrow begins a new week. Kids go back to school. Steve back to work. Me back to ... everything I do. Have a blessed week.

Spring has sprung!

Wow! I just can't believe this weather we're having here in western Michigan. The whole of Michigan, really. We're breaking 100-yr-old records all over the place.

Today temperatures are expected to be in the 80's where we live. It's in the 60's and creeping higher already and the sun isn't even up yet. I have windows open to catch the cool breeze before it gets hot.

Yes. Eighty degrees is hot to this sister. I'm not a big fan of sweat and that's all I do when it's 80 degrees outside. This may be the year we spring for central air, especially if it gets hot and stays hot for the summer.

Sheesh, is it Tuesday already? We had a beautiful weekend, weather-wise, and not quite as busy as I had anticipated. Oh, there was plenty of running the kids to and fro, but after visiting the chiropractor Saturday morning I was relegated to the recliner with a heating pad for a couple days. No raking. No pulling weeds. No hauling debris. No lugging bags of mulch. Phooey. But my back had been bothering me for a few weeks and this was my second trip to see the chiro during that time and I decided it was best I follow his orders and give my body time to heal up. He said I had two ribs gone wonky which would explain why I felt like someone was digging their fingertips into my right side every time I moved a certain way.

This is for the birds. Today I'm feeling better than I felt Saturday morning, but definitely not 100 percent. I need to start doing Pilates or somethin'. Strengthen that core. I've got too much to do to sit here and watch the world go by.

But enough about that!

Spring break begins Friday. We had originally planned to go to PA to see Steve, but since he is changing jobs he'll be coming home and spending a few days with us, then he will have to be in Detroit (or somewhere near Detroit) on April 2nd. I'm excited. We are all ready for some time together as a family. I'd like to plan a few fun things to do with the kids, but I think we'll just let it ride and see what we feel like when next week rolls around.

And now it's getting lighter outside which I'm taking as my cue to get my body moving. A mama's work is never done.

Have a blessed day!

Happiness is ...

... a day when every song that comes on the radio feels like the perfect song.

... weather that turns out even better than the forecast.

... children who beg to stay outside and play just a little bit longer.

... the kind of sleep that comes after soaking up the sun all afternoon.

... leaving windows open all night to hear the peepers and feel the cool air.

... a good cup of coffee in the morning.

... an unexpected phone call from my hubby.

... the promise of more good days ahead.

Yesterday was one of those days I absolutely savor. I love, love, love the sound of all those tiny frogs in the marshy areas surrounding our house, chirping their welcome to spring. It's one of my favorite sounds, and since I know it will only last a handful of days I am always sure to take the time to listen and enjoy.

Happiness is having the time.

Happiness is also looking forward to having more time as a family.

Once again, Steve is going to be moving from his current job to a position with another company. The new gig will be closer to home and will provide a little plumper paycheck. Less distance, more money. No arguments from me.

Though if I'm honest with myself I have to acknowledge that little twinge of concern that is ever-present in my heart. The "what-ifs" of change. What if it doesn't work out? What if this wasn't the best choice? But as the years go by and I see over and over again that it always. works. out. the what-ifs become less and less of a factor for me. In fact, this time I surprised myself a little. When this latest opportunity came up I was nothing but excited. Probably mostly because it would reduce the distance between us from a 12-hour drive to a 4- or 5-hour drive within our home state. Five hours is a cakewalk for this family.

Like any other trade out there, pipeliners have all kinds of "you know you're a pipeliner if ..." jokes. Well, the wives and girlfriends of pipeliners have their own set of jokes, and most of them have to do with packing up everything important and being ready to hit the road faster than he can say "I got the call, baby. We're moving." That usually means packing up the RV, and we know several families who have sold their homes and truly live the nomadic lifestyle. We won't sell our house. Steve and I both need a home base, a place to retreat to when things get crazy. So we have two homes, more or less: one on wheels and one with roots.

Even though we don't travel with Steve (so I'm not packing our whole life into an RV in a very short amount of time), the sentiment of always be ready for change is the same. So I add a bullet point to his résumé, I direct phone calls and pass along messages, I pray for a smooth transition and safe travels. I plan my days so that once he's home from the current job I can help him get done everything he needs to get done so he can turn around and get back on the road. It's a routine we know all too well.

Summer is just around the corner. Change is in the air. It's all good. Life is good.

I'm happy.

Lots of irons in the fire ... and a little garden 'before & after'

I keep sitting down to write a post and it isn't long before I'm distracted by something else - the phone rings or the dryer buzzes or one of the kids asks for help with something. Or I remember something I meant to do 10 minutes ago before I got sidetracked with something else.

Spring has sprung and we are busy with life and that makes me happy. But I'm also a little overwhelmed with all the things screaming at me to be done. Heaps of laundry have only gotten higher this past week as I spent much of my days either prepping for the garage sale my family is having at grandma's house this weekend, or picking asparagus with the neighbors. Both ventures create a little bit of income - not much more than Fun Money to support my gardening and thrifting habits, but that's good enough for me.

Things will lighten up a bit once the garage sale is over tomorrow, and I can't wait to have a little more time to spend in the yard here at home. It needs some serious TLC. There are signs of hope out there, though. Early in the week I ripped out a chunk of green (and I use "green" here where others might use "lawn" because it's not really much of a lawn), and created a little flowerbed between a couple of our big ol' rocks.

Despite the fact that they are in the middle of ... well, everything ... these rocks are probably one of the coolest things we have going on in our front yard. The kids have climbed on them, jumped from them, BMX'ed over them for as long as they can remember.

Sorry kids. Mama wants a garden.

(And less green to mow.) 

Before

 The dandelions are a nice touch, aren't they?

 First I dug out the sod (or whatever you'd call it). See that spot of green in the middle? I planted that Catmint about a week ago. It's there in the first photo but you can hardly see it.

 Since I already had some landscape fabric I had purchased for some other project, I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to use some here.

Tip: If you ever use landscape fabric, spring for those little metal stakes that secure the fabric to the ground. Totally worth it.

After

 

 I added a Creeping Phlox and Pincushion Plant here, and a couple of old pickling crocks I'll plant some colorful annuals in.

The solar lights add a sweet glow and make this little garden a quiet oasis in the evening. Once I have those annuals planted I might add some other rocks here and there in the bare spots. It's always good to have options!

Now I need to move over and work on the space between that middle rock and the next one. And about a thousand other places in the yard. 

Little by little, one at a time.

The beginnings of something beautiful.

It was a simple thing - seed packets and small pots packaged together, never opened. Not much more than evidence of good intentions, probably picked up on a whim with no real visions of grandeur.

But to me it was something my grandma had touched. Something that made her smile when she thought of how those flowers would look, all bright and cheery in her windowsill.

Grandma never got around to planting those seeds before she died. So when my mom found them in grandma's house she asked me if I'd like them. I planted them last week and over the weekend the hollyhocks sprouted.

The hollyhocks. The seeds with the longest germination period of the three varieties I planted, and they sprouted first.

Way to keep me guessing, grandma.

The hollyhocks are the only perennials in the bunch (if I plant them outside they will come back year after year), and they are to me the epitome of granny flowers.

Here's a great picture of some mature hollyhocks from flowerspictures.org:

Don't they make you think of a granny (or grampy) with a big straw hat and a gardening trowel digging around in the dirt?

Someday maybe these guys will grow as tall and beautiful as the ones pictured above. They may not bloom until next year, but that's OK. It gives me something to look forward to.

I'm not really one for planting flowers from seed, but what the heck. If they all sprout I'll have some sweet reminders of grandma in my garden all summer long.

Happy Easter!

What a great day. First and foremost, today Christians celebrate the resurrection if Jesus Christ. Alleluia!

It is Easter Sunday and life is good.

The Pipe Lifers began the day early by heading to the 7 a.m. sunrise service at church. Special days like today always make me a little emotional. I find myself wanting to remember every little detail and capture these wonderful moments to make them last. During the Easter vigil we remember our baptism and renew our baptismal vows. As I sit writing this I watch our children play outside and I think of how they participated in worship today. I love that they are beginning to really understand the words and the whys. We can't guarantee they will always be Christ-followers, but we sure can encourage them in their faith walk and pray they feel God's love every day. My heart swelled as I watched each member of my family receive the sign of the cross with blessed water on their foreheads, a reminder that each of us is made new and clean, our sins forgiven. Pretty powerful stuff.

We enjoyed a casual dinner with Steve's family last night, breakfast and fellowship with our church family this morning, coffee with my folks after church, and then brunch with Steve's family when we got home. I wrote my newspaper column, took a nap - glorious! - and then wandered around the yard doing a little cleanup and checking on my perennials that are beginning to poke through the ground. The windows are open in the house, it's sunny and beautiful this afternoon, the frogs are peeping out back in the swamp, the kids are playing together outside, and I am happy as can be.

The one bummer is that Steve already left to go back to work, but I am thankful we had at least a little time together this weekend. I miss him already, though.

May the sense of renewal Easter brings stay with us as we go back to the usual grind tomorrow.

Christ is risen!

A poem.

Rain pounds the roof
Like a cadence ushering spring
Thunder booms its voice:
Leave, bitter cold, leave

Thunder booms, rain pounds
Little girl startles awake
Finds her way in the dark
Seeing with fingers outstretched

Mama. Mama?
She shakes with fear
I pull her in as lightning flashes
Her body folds into mine

Like pieces of a puzzle
All in this tiny bed
Lined up daddy, mama, girl
Orange kitty and pink stuffed bunny

Stray hairs tickle my cheek
Hers or mine?
Small fingers take my hand
Breathing slows

I give thanks for the storm
That washes winter away
Crowds this bed
Cleanses my soul

Minutes pass, the storm fades
Hear the quiet? I ask
Yes, she says
Clutching pink stuffed bunny

They leave a space empty, warm
I love you, I say
I love you too, she responds
As she feels her way in the dark

Back to her own space
Her pillow cool now
But safe
Sleep, baby, sleep


Photo credit

Spring break, Pipe Life style.

We have just a few days left of spring break and I can't say this is one of the more memorable ones. And you know what? That's just fine with me.

Sometimes when your life is all about bracing for the next big shakeup, it feels pretty darn good to embrace a little normalcy. Whatever "normal" happens to be.

This is what we've done this week:
- the kids started spring break early because school was called off the two days prior to the scheduled start due to a snow/ice storm. (This is where all the people who escaped to someplace warm for the week shouted "yaaaay!")
- Our big outing was a visit to an RV show where we stuck our heads in, peeked around, and walked through 30-some travel trailers looking for the perfect fit for Steve to live in over the summer. We're looking to sell our current setup and go with something a little larger (read: more comfortable for Steve and for the rest of us when the kids and I visit).
- Steve and I had a little retail therapy and enjoyed a lunch out together - just the two of us. I picked up some things for the house and he snagged some new speakers for his truck and a new game for the PS3.
- The kids played the aforementioned PS3 until their eyes were crossed and their thumbs blistered. Or was that Steve?
- We have eaten dinners together as a family, Steve and I have both kissed the kids goodnight, we take afternoon naps, bounce ideas off each other, talk about everything and nothing.

This afternoon I was touching up some paint on the walls in our front room and I had several windows open to let some fresh air in. I could hear Steve outside working on his truck with help from his brother. The kids were bouncing around ... in and out of the house, riding bikes, helping dad, playing nicely with each other like I wish they always would ... and it occurred to me how boring it all was.

Nothing special. Nothing newsworthy. Hardly anything new to report, even.

Just ... normal. Boring.

Sometimes boring feels pretty darn good.

I might just cry.

If we do indeed get the weather we are "supposed" to get over the next couple of days, I might seriously curl up in a ball and cry.

I know it's still early. Sure, spring has technically arrived, at least according to the calendar, but it's late March in Michigan for heaven's sake. I know the possibility for some yucky weather is still in the cards, but dammit! A possible foot of snow? Are you freaking kidding me?!?

Admittedly, I am one of those people who gets cranky when folks complain about the weather. I mean, it is Michigan. The weather can and does change quickly around here. We live here. We know that. But I've been so spoiled by the recent sunshine and warm temperatures, and I have so been looking forward to getting outside and being more active and getting the yard cleaned up. I don't want any more snow!!! And I'm going to pout if we get a foot of it.

Here's hoping the predictions are way off.

As the Pipe Lifers' world turns ...

Today is Steve's last day of work for a while. A few weeks, maybe.

Hopefully only a few weeks.

As the weather warms up here in Michigan and things begin to thaw out, the ground turns to mush and that makes it difficult to get much work done with heavy equipment. Also, local municipalities enforce frost laws which limit speed and weight on roadways that could be damaged as the frost beneath the surface melts away. Another hindrance for moving large equipment around. So as spring approaches we've known it was a possibility Steve would have a little break from work, we just didn't know when it would happen.

I'm excited Steve will be around home for a bit. Financially it's always a struggle - or eventually becomes a struggle - when he is laid off, but as far as our family is concerned it's always a good thing to have us all living under the same roof.

That's how our world is turning today, and that's how we have learned to live - day to day, and sometimes hour by hour.

Maybe it's a phase. Maybe not.

It's time for an overhaul. On everything.

A fresh perspective. Something new.

Well. The husband and children - and maybe even the animals if they straighten up a bit - can stay. But everything else has a target on it.

I'm antsy. I get that way this time of year. I gotta DO something. Scrub everything down with Clorox or gut a closet and reorganize everything or send a chunk of my wardrobe to Goodwill or ... something.

I want to finally cover the dingy walls in the house with color. I want to get rid of this ratty old furniture and replace it with something different. Not new, necessarily, but different.

I want to tear up the carpet in the living room. I don't even need to replace it right now; we all know I'm not afraid to live with sub-floors. I'm just sick of looking at what's there now. I want to get rid of these lamps I hate so much (Sorry mom. I didn't always hate them.) and light my way with something beautiful that I love. Something I chose, not something we decided to use because someone gave it to us. Isn't it funny how we make something work "for the time being" and then 10 years later we still have it?

Usually I start cleaning when I feel like this. It's amazing how different our surroundings can look and feel when they're freshened up a bit. But I think this year it's a little more than spring fever I'm feeling. The past few days I've been channeling my inner 2-yr-old and asking the question "why?" a lot. Why shouldn't I? Why can't I? Why is this always like this? Why do we do it that way?

Why not?

Why wait?

I'll tell you the answer I keep coming back to: there is no good answer. None that we should be mindlessly accepting anyway.

Sometimes the answer is because we don't have the money to do that right now. Sometimes it's because that feels like too much of a splurge. Sometimes we don't need it, or don't need to do it. Or we don't have the time. Or ... my favorite ... that's just crazy! Why would we do/change/eat/say/watch/try that?

If I dare to go deeper I'd probably admit to a little self doubt. Maybe I'm not worthy of having or doing whatever it is. Lord knows I've had my struggles with self esteem and self worth over the years and I'm always susceptible to letting that creep back in. I hate that. It makes me want to not just get rid of those lamps I hate so much, but break them up into tiny little pieces before I throw them in the trash.

I'm angry. Antsy and angry. Great combination, eh?

No worries. I'm not going to do anything stupid. I've just been doing a lot of thinking these past few days and it's made me consider the possibility of rearranging some priorities. And that's saying something because I thought I had my priorities pretty well in order, or at least well on the way to it.

So there it is. I hate being cliche but it's the ol' "someone I love just died and it reminded me how short life is and that I should live it to the fullest" junk. And that's OK. I just need to harness all this energy and do something positive with it. And I will. No excuses.

No regrets.

Today I start answering the question "why?" a little differently.

Today I start answering the question "why?" with another question: Why not?

Perfect timing.

Yesterday both of my children had outdoor activities planned with their classes at school. It was sunny and 80-something degrees. Beautiful.

This morning it's raining on and off - a nice, slow, soaking rain. Perfect. The weatherman says it's supposed to continue like this throughout the day. I'm good with that.

I'm a little sore this morning after spending the day with Rachel's class hiking around the Ludington State Park. Friends who are familiar with the park can really appreciate it when I say I survived the Skyline Trail. I did not, however, run down the sand dune. I'm pretty sure if I had I would still be down there at the bottom of the hill this morning.

Here are a few pictures from the day.

Walking the trails.

Top of the dunes. This is the reward for hiking up the 100+ stairs of the Skyline Trail. Helloooo, Lake Michigan!

Crazy kids. There's Rachel in the middle in the green shirt. I think she's telling her friend to hurry up. 

Can't tell whose kid this is, can you?

Yep. Still mine.

Mmmhmmm.

Happy Friday, y'all. Have a wonderful weekend.

Goodbye, garden. I'll miss you.

Well that's that. I've decided against planting a vegetable garden this year.

I love having a garden. I especially love walking out there in the afternoon and picking a handful of green beans for that evening's dinner or grabbing a zucchini to grate for fresh zucchini bread. And I love the physical work it takes to keep the garden at its best. But the time and attention it needs are more than I am willing to give it this year.

Last year I had a pretty successful garden. Not the best garden ever, but my best garden ever. So the decision to not plant this year is bittersweet.

I'm being realistic. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Sometimes reality bites.

I don't expect to be around much this summer as the kids and I will be visiting Steve as much as possible, wherever he is working. So it's either mourn for the gardenless summer now and get it over with, or kick myself later for taking it on when I knew I shouldn't have.

I do plan to have my own little salsa garden on the deck - a tomato plant or two, a couple of jalapeno plants, and a cilantro plant, all in pots (I'll buy the onions and limes and Corona and chips) - and that will give my green thumb something to fidget with.

(Yeah, I don't really have a green thumb, but it sounded right.)

 

As I have in other areas of my life, I am making a choice to pare things down in the extracurricular activities department. Eliminating the garden for this one year allows me to focus on other things that need my attention right now. Next spring when planting time comes around I will reevaluate and see how things look. Perhaps our circumstances will be different and I can look forward to spending the summer a little closer to home. Maybe not. Nobody knows.

So goodbye for now, garden. I feel liberated knowing you won't be hogging my attention and sapping my energy, but I will miss you all the same.