Ringing in 2015: Fresh starts, clean slates and all that jazz.

It's almost comical to look back on my post from last year at this time. I had grand plans to coast quietly into the New Year, create a peaceful little bubble around myself, be mindful in my daily interactions with the world, live a more "zen" life.

What's that they say ... if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans? Yeah.

I never would have guessed I'd be where I am at the end of 2014. Early in the new year I was offered a part-time job and I've been working about 20 hours a week since early February. I love it. It's just enough for me to get out and see people, interact with adults, and feel useful. It's not a lot of money, but I can't beat a four-day work week and being close to where my kids are in school during the day. It had been six years since I worked regularly outside the home, but it was a relatively easy transition jumping back into the workforce.

At about the same time I started my new job I also started a Bible study with a great group of ladies. This was my first experience doing a group study and I can honestly say it has been life-changing. I'm excited to continue to grow my relationships with God and these godly women when we start another study in the new year.

With my heart and mind open to whatever direction God might steer me, toward the end of summer I was researching the possibility of transforming an old building down the street from our office into a new business - a farm stand where I would resurrect the city's weekend farmer's market, and sell fresh produce and maybe some other locally-made goods. Very quickly it went from "I wonder if we could make a go of this" to "holy cow, we're doing this!" So I'm looking at the first of the year looming and I am reminded that in three months I'll be mailing my first rent check and I get all tingly and excited and a little freaked out and I think if I was looking for life to slow down this was not the best avenue to travel.

HOWEVER. I have never experienced the type of happy I feel every time someone asks me to tell them about my plans for this business. There are moments of panic when I think I can never make it happen like I see it in my mind but then I remember that even if it's not perfect (and what is?) it will still be really awesome and I will be incredibly happy.

So 2015 will be an interesting year. I don't really know what to expect, except a lot of hard work. This is one of those instances when you don't know what you're capable of if you don't give it a try, so I'm going for it. It's a good time in our lives - as a couple and as a family - and I'm excited to see where this next year takes us.

Tonight we're saying goodbye to 2014 and celebrating Steve's and his brother's January 6 birthdays (same day, five years apart) with a huge bonfire, food, drinks and visiting with friends. I came in early because my toes were frozen. I might make it to midnight, but not much longer.

I asked Steve if he had any goals or resolutions for 2015. "Just more of being me," he said.

Twenty-some years together and the guy is still making me laugh. I adore him.

Here's to a healthy, happy, prosperous New Year for all of us. May you be blessed. Cheers!

This dream is becoming a reality.

Life has been happening, peeps.

I end my days with the kind of sleep that's so sound I don't even dream, exhausted after each day of parenting, working, thinking, planning, doing. The ball is rolling on one of my long-held dreams and as it picks up speed I am hustling to keep ahead of it. Or to keep up with it?

(Incidentally, I started this post several days ago and then spent this entire past week in sick bay - not working, barely parenting, mostly sleeping and sipping tea and chicken broth. Fortunately I'm on the mend now.) 

I am taking the plunge and becoming an entrepreneur. Starting a business. Steve and I have spitballed ideas over the years as we see businesses or buildings come up for sale. We tell each other how nice it would be to work for ourselves. But the pieces never came together like they have this time.

The one big difference this time is this new business is my baby. It is born of the visions in my mind, and I am doing all the leg work to get it off the ground while Steve continues to work at the job that provides for all the essentials for our family.

I'll continue at my part-time job, too. The cool thing is my new place is less than a block away from where I currently work. It's not much now - just a vacant building and a parking lot - but next spring it will be the home of a weekend farmers' market and the beginning of a produce stand/country store/urban garden/community gathering place.

Can't quite see the vision? That's ok. It's a lot to wrap your head around. I expect there will come a point when people see what's happening and think, "Oooooh. Now I get it. Cool!"

But first, the farmers' market. That's the first priority, and what I will spend the most time on over the winter.

Behold, the location:

It was most recently a car wash. Prior to that - decades ago - it was a service station. It's in remarkably good shape ... or a hot mess, depending on how you look at it. I'm going with the more optimistic view, despite the fact that the larger bay doors are so banged up they won't open, and nobody seems to have keys to unlock what we're all sure are restroom doors.

Most people probably look in this direction and see a building far past its heyday. I see a solid structure on a busy corner lot. I see space for people to gather on summer weekends and sell their wares, meet their neighbors, learn from each other. I envision a bustling market. A comfortable oasis with a place to relax in the shade. Community art. Repurposed objects. Color. Life.

There is a little bit of green here. Actually, the green that's here is a little bit out of control.

 

 Monster shrubs need trimming (or removing) ...

Grape vines need to be cut back ...

This will all happen in the spring. I have signed a lease agreement which will begin April 1. So I'm committed! And excited. When sharing my plan with folks I've gotten a lot of positive feedback. Lots of offers to help get things off the ground, and questions related to participating in the farmers' market. Very encouraging.

There is a part of me that can't believe I'm doing this. There's another part of me that walks a little taller these days, confident that I'm doing the right thing at the right time in my life. I'm stepping out in faith with a specific prayer that God would continue to guide me and bless my family on this journey. And also that I will have the patience to make it through the next five months - gracefully - and take care of the paperwork side of things so that on April 1 the physical (fun) work can begin.

A rare quiet morning.

I'm enjoying this Saturday morning of quietness. It's the first day in what feels like forever that I have nothing on my calendar - no commitments, no place to be. So I'm sipping my coffee and making plans to attack what's left of Mt. Laundry (after I already did a few loads last night) and try to make some order out of the chaos that is our house lately.

I love my new job. As I've told friends recently, the work is not life-altering. I'm not changing the world by processing people's water bill payments or answering questions about citywide trash pickup, but I am making a difference in my own little world. I'm making a (small) contribution to our family finances. I feel a sense of purpose. I'm teaching our children that mom has a life other than the one she's been focusing on them all these years (in other words, you'll have to learn to get yourself out of bed in the morning because I'm busy). I'm learning to manage my own time a little better.

It's just 20-ish hours a week, four days a week, which is just enough to push me to be more productive in the hours I am at home. And to appreciate those hours with my family, and in this home I love.

Steve is getting settled in back at work, too. After having him home for a few months and over the holidays, it's taking some adjusting. But we're making plans to visit him over spring break, which will be nice. I will welcome the change of scenery.

We're finally getting a glimpse of the end of winter. Every few days temps reach up into the 40's, which is enough to melt a little more snow. The roof of the house is clear now, but most of our yard is still covered with more than a foot of snow, all heavy and packed so hard we can walk on top of it. Yesterday it rained, and then last night snowed just enough that there was a dusting on the deck when I woke up. I am so over this winter. I've been looking at garden boards on Pinterest and flipping through my spring magazines, making plans for when I can finally get out there and work the soil. This week I picked up a small seed starter and planted some tomato seeds - I can't wait to have some GREEN around here! And I have other projects I'd like to tackle, too. Mostly furniture pieces that need to be taken outside and sanded so I can paint or stain them. I know ... patience. I've never been good at that.

I also want to finish some blog posts I've had hanging around over the past month. I think of something I want to share, start a post, and then get distracted. Story of my life. So ... while I'm waiting for the ground to thaw out, maybe I'll get some of those up.

Think spring!

Saturday worship and Sunday morning coffee.

We're smack in the middle of another cold snap here in Western Michigan.

Or ... colder snap. Because, ya' know, it IS the end of January. It's winter. But temperatures will be in the single digits the next couple of days with more snow piling on top of the more than a foot (and several feet where it's drifted) we already have.

A handful of churches in the area cancelled services today because the road commissions just haven't had time to clear everything, and once the snow is pushed back it reveals a layer of ice underneath. Treacherous.

I was bummed. For as much as I wasn't looking forward to going out in the weather, I really need to be "fed" among my church family. I can study the Gospel on my own any time, but it's not the same as hearing it surrounded by my people, who encourage me to live it out every day.

Alas, there is plenty to keep me busy here at home. Yesterday I was the one doing the feeding of my peeps, and it was my own style of worship. I cooked and baked - and prayed - all day. With Steve having been off work for a couple of months we are stretched pretty thin on the financial front, yet we have so much for which to be thankful.

We are well fed. We have a roof over our heads and a warm home. We are together as a family, healthy and able-bodied. We are surrounded by people who love us and provide a support system others only dream about. And so much more.

We've been confined to the house a lot lately with sub-zero wind chills and nothing extra in the budget for outside entertainment. It gives this over-thinker too much time to over-think. Lots of opportunity for the depression and anxiety I fight every day to weasel their way in. So I fight harder. Some days I give in to the urge to sleep all day. Some days I all but ignore my family and escape into someone else's world via books or the Internet. Or TV. And I don't even like TV that much, but I've come to feel a certain bond with the cast members of The Big Bang Theory.

It's bad, y'all.

But not today. Today we have fresh pumpkin bread to snack on and I hear productive activities all over the house calling my name. My morning coffee is kicking in and I know I better wrangle that energy into something good or before long I'll think the snowbanks are closing in on me.

Have a blessed day.

An 'accidental' tradition.

You can always assume that when we bring our Christmas tree in the house it will be about a foot and a half too tall. So what do we do? We hack away at it from the top down. 'Cause that's how we roll.

But don't fear, it really doesn't change the look of the tree all that much. It's still all limbs and as wide as it is tall, and taking up half the living room as if it's afraid someone might forget that IT'S CHRISTMAS!

This is my view when I look left while sitting in my favorite chair:

When Steve sits in his favorite spot on the end of the couch we have to look at each other through spindly branches and around homemade ornaments. The star at the top is cardboard, made by Rachel. We used to have an angel. She might still be in another box I haven't gotten out, but I kinda' like the star.

Our tree came from family property behind our house. We haven't always gone out and cut our own tree, but a few years ago we were pretty broke at Christmastime and didn't want to (or just couldn't) spend the money to buy one, so Steve took the kids out back and found one for free.

It was so huge, so wide. It seemed ridiculous that we would bring it in the house. But we got it covered in lights and as many ornaments as those wispy branches would hold up. It was perfect.

So in the years since then the kids have asked each year when dad would take them out to pick out a tree. Even the times I have quietly mentioned how I would like a tall, thin, perfectly trimmed and sturdy-branched tree ... from a Christmas tree farm, perhaps ... the kids have poo-pooed the idea in favor of trudging out to the woods with dad to pick a very natural, homegrown evergreen.

I will admit drooling a bit over the gigantic, lush spruce that stands at the front of our church. But our tree at home - our "aggressively festive" tree, as one friend calls it - is just as beautiful.

  This year's pick (and my lumberjack husband sizing it up):

This was the first year I went with Steve and the kids to pick out the tree. It was fun - and being out there in the woods is always inspiring but particularly so when everything is covered with about a foot of snow.

We actually didn't bring the tree home on the first round. Steve's chainsaw wasn't working right, so we made mental note of where it was and went back another day.

Rach and I threw a few snowballs while Steve did the work.

It's funny how things work out. That first year Steve and the kids brought the tree in it looked so ridiculous it felt like a joke. Then the next year when the kids requested the same thing I'm sure I rolled my eyes a bit, but decided we could work with it. Now the thought of spending money on something we could get from our back yard for free seems almost silly.

Sometimes the best traditions are the unexpected ones that just happen. I like this one.

When the message smacks you right in the face.

Some weeks ago a friend posted on Facebook asking if anyone was interested in a Bible study based on the book "7" by Jen Hatmaker.

I jumped. Not only have I been craving a little more time spent in and studying The Word, but this part-time journalist/full-time mama and homemaker could really use a regular date with a few other adult women.

Fast forward a few weeks to now. I dive into 7 and I am immediately convicted.

I'm laughing, because Jen Hatmaker is hysterical and I adore her girl-in-the-next-pew, nobody's-perfect style. I am devouring the book. But I am also stopping every few paragraphs, going back and re-reading, reflecting on my own life, my family's consumerist habits and the very basic things we take for granted like all the clean water we could want and a warm, secure place to sleep at night.

(Go ahead. If you haven't already, Google Jen Hatmaker. I'll wait.) 

Reading this book now is perfect timing for me. Steve has been off work since the week of Thanksgiving, and probably won't be starting his next project until after the first of the year. This wasn't unexpected. We knew he would have some time off this winter, and I actually looked forward to having him here at home through the holidays.

Even when it's expected, though, is it ever really a good time to be unemployed (read: without a steady income)? And listen. I am the kind of girl who needs the threat of that looming deadline to get my butt in gear. I try to sock money away all year long for occasions such as this, but it seems like about the time we have a good chunk in the savings account the wheels fall off. Sometimes literally. Repairs on pickup trucks are expensive, and pickups are what we have. Household repairs aren't cheap, either. Home ownership is not for sissies ... or anyone who gets a little anxious when the numbers don't compute the way you want them to. *ahem* And don't even get me started on the expenses of raising children.

So when Steve came home we knew we'd have to go into survival mode, trimming the fat clean out of the budget and making every penny count. He did apply for unemployment benefits which equal about the same amount per week that he was earning in 1995 - when he was single and childless and still lived with his parents. It's at least a nice supplement to the last paycheck that will roll in this month, and all together it will be enough for us to make it to the next paycheck - whenever that is - well-fed and with our sanity (relatively) intact.

But what if it wasn't enough?

Seriously?! (Now I'm talking to myself.) How could we EVER not have enough?

I know there are folks living in poverty all around us. I know many go without food and shelter on a regular basis for reasons out of their control. I know that if I were in their shoes looking at me and my family I would think we were wealthy. Sadly, I often get stuck in the mindset that we are not.

As Jen H. explores in the book, I too often struggle with the "why" of my lot in life. Why am I so fortunate to have been born in the richest country in the world? Why have I had such a wonderful life, never knowing what it's like to go hungry or to not be able to see a doctor when I'm sick? It makes me a little bit ashamed of where we are right now, today: watching Monday Night Football on a large screen, kids tucked into their comfy beds, my bare feet not cold at all despite the chill outside, refrigerator packed with food, some of which will no doubt be tossed in the trash because half the members of this household don't like leftovers.

Yes. We occasionally throw food away because we can't eat it all before it goes bad or starts growing fuzz. This is not ok!!

And this is why I'm feeling convicted. We need to be better stewards of the resources we've been blessed with always, not just when we're feeling the squeeze. AND (and this comes from yours truly, Ms. Pare Down and Simplify herself) we need to stop filling every little empty space in our home and in our souls with stuff. If we busy ourselves filling those gaps where's the room for God to do His work in us?

It's definitely something to ponder, and I have been giving it much thought these last few days. Well ... our "more is more" lifestyle  - and that's a collective "our" as in "Americans" - has been on my mind a lot lately, especially with Christmas coming up, but Jen's book is pushing me to examine my own family's habits a little more closely.

I'm halfway through the book. Who knows, I could end up hating the idea of her experimental mutiny against excess by the time I get to the end. I doubt it, though. I'll keep you posted.

The best Thanksgiving.

How was your Thanksgiving? I hope it was full. Of family. Blessings. Food. Black Friday shopping. Whatever makes you happy.

I think our Thanksgiving Day was the quietest, most relaxing on record for me. I felt like I really had things together, which is no small miracle. I have to admit I was feeling a little down because so much of Thanksgiving is centered around The Big Meal and so much of The Big Meal usually consists of foods I can't (or shouldn't) eat because of my allergies.

And I really hate that something like that gets me all depressed. So I took the bull by the horns and decided what I would really miss - pumpkin pie - and found a dairy-free recipe online, and whipped it up the night before. It was fabulous. I ate dairy-free pumpkin pie the following two mornings for breakfast.

There are a few things that I give the "Is this worth it?" test. I ask myself, "is this cake/pie/bread/whatever worth the stomachache/headache/sore throat/itchy skin it might cause me later if I eat it right now?" That's the difference between having a lethal allergy and one that only makes you feel like you're dying (or want to). Sometimes it's worth it. Most of the time is isn't. But enough about that. Because really? The BEST part of Thanksgiving was spending time with my family.

On Thanksgiving Day we went next door to my in-laws' for dinner. It was just seven of us: me and Steve, Sam and Rachel, mom and dad and grandma. Perfect. We ate, then while the guys went hunting Rach and I crashed in the living room and watched TV and took a nap.

It was snowing that perfect, pretty snow, too. So we took a couple pics outside.

I'm so happy to have Steve home for the holidays.

 And this girl ... God help me.

 

Rachey (stifling a laugh) and her Great-Grandma Jane.

Then Saturday we headed north to my Uncle Steve's house in Elk Rapids. We've been having this Thanksgiving get-together with my dad's side of the family for ... holy smokes, more than a decade now.

By my count we had 25 people. Perfect. I think as I get older I appreciate these family gatherings more and more.

Rachel colors with cousin Izzy.

My first time meeting my cousin Annie's (and her husband, Greg's) baby boy, Edison.

Squeeee! So fun having a baby around.

Food! Buffet style.

I snapped this picture right before we left. It was one of those moments when you just kind of stand back and take it all in. We are so blessed to have extended family we all love and get along with.

We're back to the grind this week - the kids back to school, me back to ... whatever it is I do depending on the day, and Steve taking care of things that need fixing or doing while he has the time, being that he's laid off and all. Hunting season is over (for firearms anyway) so there is a bunch of stuff hanging around that needs to be packed up and put away.

It's nice to have Steve here. I'm hoping we can sneak in a date night sometime soon, but I really enjoy just having him here. We have a lot of catching up to do. Such is The Pipe Life: miss them like crazy while they're gone, cram in the family time whenever and wherever you can.

Clean Slate Sunday: 11.10.13 Pre-hunting-opener-and-Thanksgiving Edition

Pre-hunting edition because firearm deer season begins later this week and that means our house is abuzz and the excitement spills out into the surrounding neighborhood, down the street to the 100-yr-old schoolhouse-turned-family deer camp.

Pre-Thanksgiving edition because ... hello. I've got the annual Iron Chef America Thanksgiving episode on TV and it just makes me more excited for the upcoming holiday. I love Thanksgiving. Every year we spend Thanksgiving day with my in-laws (and various extended family and friends), then we go to my uncle's house for another dinner and more visiting on Saturday. Family, food, football, relaxing, leftovers, maybe a little Christmas shopping. What's not to love?

The most exciting event for me, though, is that Steve will be coming home for a couple days of hunting next weekend, then after one more week of work he'll be laid off and home for several weeks.

OK, the layoff isn't exciting, but dang it's been a long year of (basically) living apart, we've had a lot of tragedy and unexpected deaths in our community these past few months which makes me miss him even more, and I welcome the opportunity for our family to have some time together to just ... be. I miss living the day-to-day with the love of my life by my side. Sure, we are both a little concerned about finances as anyone would be, but we've been here before and never starved - plus there are prospects for the future and I have a feeling that after just a few days off Steve will start to get a little twitchy and will be making some phone calls.

The man cannot sit still for very long. It's one of the things I love about him.

I have a busy week ahead, but I'll be watching the clock and counting down until it's time for me to head to the airport to pick Steve up. Thursday morning. Three days!

Back to the grind.

You'll all be happy to know we have survived two full days of school and we are no worse for wear.

At least I don't think so.

The weather has been nice - perfectly fall-like - and I have been busy tackling stuff I put off all summer while we were gallivanting all over God's creation pretending like the laundry would do itself and summer would last forever.

Summer's over, people. OH. VUR. (I'm saying this to myself and my children as much as anyone else.)

And sadly, there is no laundry fairy. Hmph.

So while we all adjust to earlier mornings again and the kids settle into their school day routines, I get back on task here at home. There is much to do. It's no wonder I always felt frantic when I was working full time and the house was chaos. Now I'm here all the time and trying to do all those extra little home maintenance things that got put off because we never had time. Oh, and some fun stuff too. And raise a coupla' kids and a few animals and some fresh tomatoes along the way. And write. Because writing = breathing for me, and breathing is important.

Also important: daddy! Steve is going to be home for the weekend and I can hardly wait. If I could keep him locked up at home and all to myself I would, but the likelihood of that it pretty slim. And that would be pretty selfish of me anyway.

I have a bunch of pictures from summer that I had intended to share, but in the interest of ... well, keeping things interesting ... I'll just post a couple of my favorites.

 Checkin' out Endless Caverns in New Market, Virginia.

Cool cavern pic.

Seriously, it was amazing.

 Pretty farm view. Just because.

This is what I picture in my mind when I think of Virginia.

 The kids taking in the view at one of the stops along the Skyline Drive in Shenandoah National Park.

Butterflies and bumblebees. They were everywhere at this particular overlook.

My loves.

 

The story of my life. Blurriness and all.

I don't know why, this picture just cracks me up.

So there you have it - a glimpse at how we spent much of August. I have missed blogging and I'm happy to have a little more time to get back to it regularly now. Lots of little things I've been wanting to share just so I can remember them myself in a year or twelve. Onward!

A midsummer's day.

It's Monday. It's freakishly hot. I have a ridiculously busy week ahead. But we had a wonderful weekend and today it's relatively quiet around here - and blessedly air-conditioned - so it's all good.

Steve was home for the weekend. It's always good to have him here.We visited with family and friends, but there never seems to be enough time to get around to everybody, or do all the things we'd like to do as a family. I don't really bother asking him to do any projects around the house anymore ... time is just too precious to not be making memories.

Speaking of memories, I finally bought myself a new camera after more than a year without one (because a certain female offspring dropped mine on the pavement while visiting Washington DC last year). I was looking forward to getting a fancy-schmancy setup that I could really sink my teeth into and challenge myself with. I ended up going for something less fancy, but a step above the pocket-sized point-and-shoot I used to have. I've been playing around with it when I can pry it out of Rachel's hands. (Yeah, I sprang for the extended warranty.)

My doggies make good test subjects.

Don't you just love Gunnar's expressive face?

I had him at the vet last week. He's 103 lbs. of pure, exuberant puppy.

And Ladybug. Old grey face. Still smiley.

 

I will need to pull together all these Mom-and-Rach self portraits when she graduates from high school. We're kind of obnoxious with these.

 

 

I can never get enough of this guy, though.

We spent part of the weekend in a sweltering gymnasium watching Rachel play basketball in a tournament. Her team got their butts handed to 'em in four of their five games. They lost the last game, too, but at least they were a little better matched with that team. It was definitely a learning experience, and I was so proud of the girls for playing their hearts out long after the point other teams would have given up.

 Here's Rachey sinking a free throw.

 

 And sweatin' her tail off. She played hard!

Now Sam is off to another week of summer camp, Steve is traveling back to W. Virginia today to be back to work tomorrow, and Rach and I have the week to do some girly stuff. She promptly made plans to go spend the night at a friend's house. Hmph. Fine by me. I've got plenty to do.

Of mornings and memories.

 Independence Day sunset on the farm.

Try as I might, I have never been a morning person. My body screams to stay in bed where it's comfortable and quiet, even on the most beautiful of mornings. I am coming around, though. I longed for the days when my children would sleep in so I could get a few more winks, but these days rather than snuggling back in after taking my four-legged alarm clocks outside, I make a cup of coffee and enjoy watching and listening to the world wake up.

I am blessed. As I drifted off to sleep last night after our annual 4th of July get-together at our friends' farm, I had that feeling of blissful contentedness. Happy. The only thing that could have made it better was if Steve had been here to share it with us. But I know he misses being here as much as we miss having him, and I appreciate the sacrifices he makes to provide for all of us. He will be home for a couple days next weekend and I can't wait to see him again.

On that note, here are some photos from when the kids and I visited Steve in Virginia a couple weeks ago.

Our trailer, and the morning view.

 

Mountainside.

One day we went to see the arboretum and botanical gardens at James Madison University. Sam said, "We have trees and flowers at home, why do we have to come here to look at them?"

Well. He did have a point. But I was inspired by the landscape, and it is a beautiful place.

 This little lake was pretty cool - lots of water fowl, turtles and fish.

 "Quack!"

 Rachel took the time to walk the entire labyrinth.

 

 Sam ... was not interested in walking the labyrinth.

 My girl. Always willing to take a picture with mama.

 The swinging bridge.

We missed the peak season for rhododendrons, but a few were still in bloom.

Tiered gardens. There were lots of roses here.

Lilies! So pretty.

Back at the campground, the Shenandoah River (or a branch of it).

 Kids deciding which lures will catch those trout.

 Fishin' from the riverbank.

 Fishin' from the river. 

Bless Sam's heart, he rolled up his jeans and borrowed Rachel's pink Crocs to wade out and untangle my line from some rocks.

Great memories.