Saturday worship and Sunday morning coffee.

We're smack in the middle of another cold snap here in Western Michigan.

Or ... colder snap. Because, ya' know, it IS the end of January. It's winter. But temperatures will be in the single digits the next couple of days with more snow piling on top of the more than a foot (and several feet where it's drifted) we already have.

A handful of churches in the area cancelled services today because the road commissions just haven't had time to clear everything, and once the snow is pushed back it reveals a layer of ice underneath. Treacherous.

I was bummed. For as much as I wasn't looking forward to going out in the weather, I really need to be "fed" among my church family. I can study the Gospel on my own any time, but it's not the same as hearing it surrounded by my people, who encourage me to live it out every day.

Alas, there is plenty to keep me busy here at home. Yesterday I was the one doing the feeding of my peeps, and it was my own style of worship. I cooked and baked - and prayed - all day. With Steve having been off work for a couple of months we are stretched pretty thin on the financial front, yet we have so much for which to be thankful.

We are well fed. We have a roof over our heads and a warm home. We are together as a family, healthy and able-bodied. We are surrounded by people who love us and provide a support system others only dream about. And so much more.

We've been confined to the house a lot lately with sub-zero wind chills and nothing extra in the budget for outside entertainment. It gives this over-thinker too much time to over-think. Lots of opportunity for the depression and anxiety I fight every day to weasel their way in. So I fight harder. Some days I give in to the urge to sleep all day. Some days I all but ignore my family and escape into someone else's world via books or the Internet. Or TV. And I don't even like TV that much, but I've come to feel a certain bond with the cast members of The Big Bang Theory.

It's bad, y'all.

But not today. Today we have fresh pumpkin bread to snack on and I hear productive activities all over the house calling my name. My morning coffee is kicking in and I know I better wrangle that energy into something good or before long I'll think the snowbanks are closing in on me.

Have a blessed day.

Clean Slate Sunday: 11.10.13 Pre-hunting-opener-and-Thanksgiving Edition

Pre-hunting edition because firearm deer season begins later this week and that means our house is abuzz and the excitement spills out into the surrounding neighborhood, down the street to the 100-yr-old schoolhouse-turned-family deer camp.

Pre-Thanksgiving edition because ... hello. I've got the annual Iron Chef America Thanksgiving episode on TV and it just makes me more excited for the upcoming holiday. I love Thanksgiving. Every year we spend Thanksgiving day with my in-laws (and various extended family and friends), then we go to my uncle's house for another dinner and more visiting on Saturday. Family, food, football, relaxing, leftovers, maybe a little Christmas shopping. What's not to love?

The most exciting event for me, though, is that Steve will be coming home for a couple days of hunting next weekend, then after one more week of work he'll be laid off and home for several weeks.

OK, the layoff isn't exciting, but dang it's been a long year of (basically) living apart, we've had a lot of tragedy and unexpected deaths in our community these past few months which makes me miss him even more, and I welcome the opportunity for our family to have some time together to just ... be. I miss living the day-to-day with the love of my life by my side. Sure, we are both a little concerned about finances as anyone would be, but we've been here before and never starved - plus there are prospects for the future and I have a feeling that after just a few days off Steve will start to get a little twitchy and will be making some phone calls.

The man cannot sit still for very long. It's one of the things I love about him.

I have a busy week ahead, but I'll be watching the clock and counting down until it's time for me to head to the airport to pick Steve up. Thursday morning. Three days!

Clean Slate Sunday: 5.12.13 edition

Happy Mother's Day!

It's been a nice day for this Mama. I got up early to prepare some treats for social hour at church, Rachel and I sat on either side of my mom during service, and I had a nice visit with my folks and then my mother-in-law. I can't decide which I appreciate more - the gifts my thoughtful girl gave me (a bouquet of tulips, a new planter, and a pretty plant she potted in Sunday School), or seeing my son so relieved after he was focused on caring for the life-like baby doll from his health class for two nights. (He did an amazing job, by the way.)

On top of all that, Rachel and her buddy - one of the neighbor girls - got together and schemed last week to make a surprise taco dinner party for their mamas. They even had a couple of adult accomplices who helped them do the shopping and pull things together while the moms were distracted. God bless them ... we were so surprised. And impressed! They even made a cake for dessert.

This past week Steve and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. Well. We celebrated as much as a couple can when they're not in the same state. Which is pretty much saying "Happy Anniversary" to each other over the phone. But it's all good. I look forward to spending some time with him. Maybe we can go out for dinner or something when he's home next weekend.

In other news, asparagus season has begun, and that means I'll be out helping the neighbors pick it a few days a week. I'd love it if the weather doesn't get too crazy, though I won't hold my breath. I have my plants all tucked in under sheets tonight because there's a freeze warning. The good news about that is I have plants in the ground, and that makes me happy.

It feels like I have a bazillion half-baked projects going on and that kind of chaos makes it so I can't think straight, so I'm looking forward to the week ahead and getting some things taken care of around the house. First up: a good sleep.

Have a blessed week.

Clean Slate Sunday: 12.16.12 broken heart edition

I can hardly believe the weekend is over already. I'm pretty sure that, other than when I was sleeping, I spent more time in my truck or otherwise away from the house than I did at home.

After the news on Friday of so many children being killed at their school in Newtown, CT, I will not grumble about shuffling my kids from one activity to another. My children are alive. They are here. And while we are all brokenhearted and still in a bit of shock, we need to continue to live. We need for things to be as normal as possible.

Make no mistake. I am not downplaying the tragedy at all. While I go about my usual business with my children there is a voice inside my head screaming at me that I should be curled up in the fetal position sobbing for those children lost and their families who now have to learn how to go on without them.

I don't even know any of those families, but just imagining their anguish would suck the life out of me if I let it. It's part of my makeup, this uber-emotionalism, and so I have learned to manage it and to recognize my limits. I spent much of Friday night flipping between news channels, devouring any new information about the shooting. The rest of the weekend I have focused on my own family - Rachel had activities with her Girl Scout troop both Saturday and today, and participated in the church Christmas program with her Sunday School class this morning. Sam spent much of the weekend at home battling bad guys on his PS3. We talked a bit. Hung out on the couch and watched movies. The usual. He's elated to be seeing the doctor tomorrow to (God willing) have the cast taken off his leg.

Normal, everyday stuff.

"I guess the world ain't gonna stop for my broken heart."

Those words from an old Reba McEntire song have been playing over and over in my mind these last few days. And it's true. Even though it feels like the world should stop sometimes, particularly when the loss is so great, so traumatic, and felt by so many ... life goes on.

In one week the love of my life will be home for Christmas. The kids will have their break from school, and we will enjoy some quality time as a family. But between now and then I will be sure to live every day, to continue to tell my children often how much I love them, and to pray for the mamas and daddies who can no longer hold their babies in their arms.

I wish you all a restful night, and a fresh start in the morning.

Clean Slate Sunday: 11.25.12 edition

Here we are at the cusp of a new week.

I'm in my jammies, ready to stretch out in my big bed, a little sad that I'll be alone.

Steve is safely back in Colorado.

The kids are tucked in.

It was a lovely long weekend, but Steve and I agreed we are both ready to get back to our everyday routines. It's a crazy life, but it's what we're used to. And I am ready to get some Christmas boxes out of the closet and start decorating. We got a little snow last night and it stuck around today, which really gets me into the holiday spirit.

That, and having walked around in Sam's Club today after I dropped Steve off at the airport. It's like Christmas in overdrive in that place. Which isn't so bad, if you can look beyond the consumerism and just enjoy the colors and sounds and smiles, which I did.

Thirty days until Christmas!

Here's to a wonderful week ahead.

Clean Slate Sunday: 11.11.12 edition

Whew.

It's late (for me, anyway) and the house is finally quiet. Just a couple of hours ago I was ready to call it a day and head to bed early, but I so look forward to my Sunday nights that I stuck it out to be sure I'd be the last one up. Even just a few minutes of quiet time is worth the wait.

So the television is off. I just finished a chocolatey peppermint latte from my favorite mug, and I'm not even concerned that it might keep me awake. I have a fall-smelling candle burning, my new little electric fireplace is flickering away, and I can hear rain on the roof. Perfect.

It has been a long week. Sam is getting around quite well with crutches, but is still having some pain. He's now beginning to feel the frustration of needing help to do so many things, not being able to just jump up and walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water ... and the boredom - or cabin fever, maybe - that comes with limited mobility. Having been there myself, I feel for him. I wonder how much he'll have to relearn after tomorrow when he will have a cast put on the full length of his leg.

Aside from the drive, I am looking forward to Sam's appointment tomorrow with the orthopedist. Mostly because I am eager to hear a report on how he's doing, and I'll be glad once he has a more stable barrier between his broken bones and the rest of the world. Sam finally felt he could handle school on Friday last week and I was a mess all day thinking he might stumble and fall or get jostled too much in the hallways. I'm beginning to think my friends' suggestion of bubble wrap for this kid isn't such a bad idea. Fortunately we have two short weeks ahead with Thursday and Friday off school both this week and next. Which will be great for my kiddo to relax and heal ... not so great for me, who could use some kid-free time to catch up around here.

Does it seem like I am always trying to catch up? Geesh.

Lots more to talk about, but I am getting sleepy and if there is one thing I know for sure, it is that sleep is almost always a good choice.

Have a blessed week.

Clean Slate Sunday: 10.28.12 Confirmation Edition

We've had a busy weekend, one of those times I am happy to see coming to a close so we can return to our usual routine. But it's been good. Steve has been home since Thursday after finishing the project he was working on in Detroit and hauling the travel trailer home for the winter. Before he got home he already had another gig lined up - this time in Colorado. It will be a longer trek than what he's (we've) done in the past, but a shorter time period, too. Like six weeks or so, which would have them wrapping up around Christmas time. The kids are already trying to figure out how we can get out there to visit. I'm thinking Christmas in Colorado would be awesome, but it all remains to be seen as Steve has some training to do on-line and will likely head out there at the end of this week. We'll know more once he's settled in. For now we're just enjoying having him here at home.

Yesterday Rachel's basketball team had their first game. They lost, but they played tough and Rachel scored twice. I was so proud of all the girls.

Today was a big day for Sam, and another proud mama moment. After two years of classes, retreats, camp, community and church service, Sam was confirmed as an adult member of our church. I'm so glad he has a personal relationship with Christ, and my prayer is that he finds plenty of guidance in our church family as he reaches adulthood.

 Sam with Pastor Bill during the service at our church - Victory Trinity Lutheran.

 Sam and his confirmation classmate Ian help with communion at our sister church, Bethany Lutheran, where Sam attended classes. Sam was the only person of confirmation age at our small country church, so he joined two others at Bethany and we attended both services today.

So technically I guess he was confirmed twice.

Which I'm sure you know he was incredibly excited about.

I hope it takes. Heh.

This view just cracked me up. Typical boys ... whispering during church.

And it's official. Doesn't he look happy?

(He was not down with the robe business at all.) 

(Also, there was cake and punch waiting downstairs.)

God's blessings on you, son.

So. Tomorrow is Monday. This week the calendar is decidedly much lighter than it was last week, though we do have Halloween coming up and I'm sure things will fill in as we go along. And if the Tigers can pull off a win in Game 3 of the World Series tonight, it's going to be a long week of late nights watching more baseball. Here's hoping!

Clean Slate Sunday: 10.21.12 edition

Can you hear that happy sigh? That's me. I'm tired ... glad bedtime is near. And feeling blessed to have some wonderful memories to think of as I drift off tonight.

Steve was home for the weekend - something I hadn't been expecting. I'm always happy just to have him around, even if we don't have anything special planned. But it was a busy weekend for us: Steve took Sam to his bowling league on Saturday, we had dinner with my folks Saturday night (our annual get-together prior to mom and dad going to Florida for the winter), then today we spent a big chunk of time at church followed by a luncheon/celebration for our pastor's 25th year of ordination. I was so happy to be a part of his special day, and it was obvious Pastor Bill was touched by having so many people there to celebrate in his honor. We would have rushed off to get Rachel to a Girl Scout meeting, but that was canceled because so many girls and their families are ill ... good call by her leaders, if you ask me.

I was happy to have the afternoon free so I could take a nap; I didn't get much sleep last night because I was up and down with a sick puppy. I was awfully worried about him when he didn't eat this morning, but he seems to have recovered just fine, thank God.

So the kids are tucked into bed, the dogs have been taken out for one last stroll around the yard, and I am ready for the clean slate of a fresh week, starting Monday morning. The most exciting news for this week is that the project Steve has been working on in Detroit all summer is complete, so after Tuesday he is done on that job and he will be home - and pulling the travel trailer with him - on Wednesday. We're not sure where he will go next or when, but for the first time in ... ok, ever ... I am not worried about where this road will take us. He has lots of job leads out there, and standing job offers with folks he has worked with before, so we will be fine. I am looking forward to having a few days or even a couple of weeks to enjoy having him here with me and the kids.

Yep. That's a happy sigh.

Clean Slate Sunday: 10.14.12 edition

I have just a few minutes before the clothes washer will ding-dong its little song at me, then I'll swap the clothes into the dryer and crawl under the covers ... maybe watch some TV, maybe just enjoy the quiet of the house and drift off to sleep.

We had a busy (and fun) weekend and now Steve is safely back at his home away from home. He will be headed back to work tomorrow morning as I'm getting the kids rolling for another week of school and whatever activities they have going on. It's what we do.

This afternoon before Steve left I wasn't feeling so great about going it alone for one more stinking week. And once he was gone, the kids and I had a rough start to our evening - everybody was a little edgy - but by God's grace I had a burst of energy that helped me take back control of the house and complete a few tasks (and delegate others) to help us get ready for the week ahead. Everybody went to bed with full bellies, everybody will have clean clothes when they leave the house in the morning, and we have a plan for a smooth start to our day tomorrow. Here's hoping.

Have I mentioned how much I love Sunday nights? Maybe a time or two, eh? Tonight is a perfect example of why: I'm sitting here on my big, comfy bed with one dog and one kitty curled up next to me. I'm listening to the rain outside the window which I've left open just enough to let the cool breeze come in. My children are in bed (read: quiet). I have prepared the kitchen for morning, and I finally have some time to digest some of the lesson from church this morning. I feel loved. Safe. Content in this moment. I have done everything I can or want to do for the day, so it's time to rest.

Clean Slate Sunday: 9.30.12 edition

Sunday evening again. Time to reset for the week ahead.

I can hardly remember this past week. Partly because it was incredibly busy. But mostly, I think, because I haven't been sleeping well due to this chronic cough/stuffiness/wheezing thing I have going on. No worries - I'm not on my deathbed. I just sound like a 400-pound, three-pack-a-day smoker trying to run a marathon. And that's at 10 o'clock at night when I'm trying to go to sleep.

I wish I were kidding.

So it's time to call the doctor. Even though I have a sneaky suspicion that whenever I can get into the office this respiratory thing will magically disappear. Because that's what happens: I'm fine one minute, then I'm coughing up a lung the next. I kinda' already have it in my head that I have asthma or something similar (like ... I dunno, what's similar to asthma without actually being asthma?) and since it's been getting worse over the past few years, I'm pretty sure it is a result of breathing in the dust that exploded in my face when my car's airbag deployed in a crash in 2008. Or maybe not. Regardless, I need to do something about it, because this is a pretty crappy way to live.

I'll revisit the topic when I know more.

Incidentally, last night I had the best night of sleep I've had in a long time. So I elected to skip church this morning and stick close to home. I ended up making a long list and going to the grocery store. Not so close to home, but it was a necessary task and I feel good having it done for the week.

Miraculously there is nothing on my calendar for this week, except to help serve Sam's football team dinner on Tuesday evening, and then go to his game on Wednesday - and fortunately it's a home game. Hopefully my days don't fill in too much so I have plenty of time to work around the house ... because I have a never-ending list of projects to complete, along with the regular household tasks.

And puppy training. We mustn't forget the puppy training.

And holy smokes, it'll be October tomorrow! Wow.

Clean Slate Sunday: 9.16.12 edition

Here we are two weeks into the school year and I'm finally getting a handle on the whole routine again. Last week I had something going on every day in addition to having to pick Sam up from football practice every evening and attending his game on Wednesday, and by Friday night my brain and my nerves were fried. Fortunately we had an easy weekend and I was able to spend most of it at home catching up on a few things I had neglected during the week. Shoot, I didn't even get out of my pajamas on Saturday.

Now it's Sunday night and I am rejoicing in the calm and quiet. When the kids went to bed I turned off the lights and headed to my room, too. I have one dog snoring at the foot of the bed, a cat snuggled up next to her, the puppy asleep in his crate in the corner, and me with clean sheets and PJ's and my laptop. And peace.

It's been a while since I've done a Clean Slate Sunday post, but I would like to get back into the habit. Sunday nights have historically been one of my favorite times of each week - a time when we settle in early, prepare for the week ahead and look forward to new beginnings. My CSS posts began as a way for me to review what I had accomplished over the past few days and make a plan for the coming week. I need at least that much structure in my life. Planning is good. Lack of planning, not so good.

So I'm looking forward to the week ahead. It will be busy, but the calendar isn't quite so crowded as it was last week. I'm happy I will have a little more time to be at home taking care of business, doing some cleaning, and lots of puppy training. We're working on the basics right now: sit, stay, come, down, that kind of stuff. And continuing housebreaking, of course. It's been interesting doing all this with the puppy while still trying to accomplish some of those basics with a stubborn old hound dog who still has terrible manners. (Not for lack of us trying, either.) But for the most part it's great having two dogs in the house. They have become fast friends and they play and play and play until they wear each other out or we put them in separate corners, which is what usually happens. Only because we get sick of the barking. Because apparently chasing each other around the furniture, playing tug-o-war with toys or terrorizing the cats isn't enough. We must also make noise! Aye yi yi. We're working on teaching them to use their inside voices. But there again, we've been trying to get Ladybug to stop barking when told to for four years now. So far? FAIL. That whole hunting/barking thing is pretty deeply engrained in that one.

Anywho, I've been trying to get a picture of these dogs roughhousing over the past couple of days because they look so stinkin' funny. Gunnar pulls his lips back and shows those vicious puppy teeth, and Ladybug basically pins him to the floor by the neck. He pulls a sneak attack and nibbles at her hind legs, so she whips around and chases him until he squeezes into the space between the back of the couch and the wall (which will be impossible - or at least much tougher - for him in a couple months). I got a dozen pictures with two black-and-tan blurs, a couple videos with lots of barking going on, and this:

The panting puppy with crazy alien eyes, poised to defend himself against the howling hound.

It's a pretty accurate picture of our days lately. It's like the canine UFC around here. Last pup standing gets the peanut butter-filled Kong. Or something like that. Fun times.

Clean Slate Sunday: 5.6.12 edition

Let's see. Some highlights.

Steve came home just for the night last night. We had a good visit, slept in, and we were all happy that he made waffles for us this morning. He's back at the campground near Detroit tonight.

Yesterday I started picking asparagus with the neighbors. 'Tis the season. My body aches in places it hasn't ached since last June when we were done picking. The season usually lasts 5-6 weeks.

I used the last of the tissues today. I am so tired of sneezing. I hate allergies.

Sam was out with his Papa and Uncle T setting posts for signs on the hunting property (near our house) yesterday and the three of them saw a mama black bear and three cubs. I am now slightly nervous to walk the dog after dark. Or ever.

Apparently I suck at applying nail polish to other people's nails. In my defense, it's really hard to paint only the tips of fingernails that have been gnawed off.

I love my animals. I do. But sometimes they make me question my sanity. Two-thirds of our four-legged friends just about sent me to the loony bin this past week. It has a lot to do with poop and puke and barking and howling. Oy.

I woke up from a nap today to find a tick crawling on my arm. (See previous comment re: animals.) *shudder* I hate ticks. Now every little tweak or itch makes me think I have more on me. Bleh.

I finished building and staking-in my raised garden beds last week. Then it started raining and I haven't gotten back out there to do any more. This week I'm hoping to get them leveled with some sand in the bottom (they're on a small slope so there are gaps between the wood and the ground on one end) and get them filled with good soil. And then ... plants!

Have a great week.

Clean Slate Sunday: Easter 2012 edition

I sure wish I had gotten a picture of our family at church this morning. I've really enjoyed seeing the pictures friends are posting on Facebook of their children and families all decked out in their Easter best. But it was a small miracle all four of us made it to the sunrise Easter Vigil this morning anyway ... I didn't want to push it by asking the kids to feign bright eyes and bushy tails for a family photo.

It's been a really nice day. I always love walking into our church on Easter morning and - after the solemnity of Good Friday and a stripped altar - seeing the bright white linens, smelling all those pretty spring flowers, and watching the kids turn their heads to see candy-filled Easter eggs tucked in every corner, on every window ledge, in each pew, and scattered all over the place. I love the celebration, the reminder that we are forgiven, the fellowship with friends and family.

And so here we are again on a Sunday evening, a full weekend in the rear-view mirror, Steve back to work for the week, and household tasks calling my name.

I am ready for summer. I'm ready to ditch the alarm clock and let Sunday night be just another night. I do appreciate routine and my kids seem to do best when we have at least some semblance of a schedule, but I'm plum tired of school mornings. I'm tired of always feeling like we're rushed to eat dinner, finish homework and get the kids prepared for the next day, every evening. I'm ready to relax.

I'm looking forward to getting some things done in the yard this week. The grass needs to be mowed (I can't believe it, considering it's only April 8) and there is some cleanup to do still. Other than that I only have a couple of things on the calendar ... though it tends to fill in pretty quickly once the week gets started.

I hope everyone has had an enjoyable and blessed Easter. Looking forward to a fresh start tomorrow ...

Clean Slate Sunday: The end of Spring Break '12 edition

I'm happy. We had a wonderful week while Sam and Rachel were on spring break and Steve was home getting ready for the start of a new venture. I'm sure the kids would have liked to be a little busier, but I rather appreciated not traveling and being able to stick close to home.

Of course we waited until the last minute to get a few things done, so Steve and I got up early this morning and I helped him finish packing up the trailer. Mostly by saying, "Don't forget to take (fill in the blank)" and sipping coffee so I wouldn't fall asleep in the middle of Pastor Bill's sermon today.

It was a nice week of reconnecting and reminiscing, and I'm still a little giddy at the idea that we will see Steve again in a few days. We might get to see him every weekend until the kids are out of school for summer, if all goes well. We're all pretty excited about that. It's the little things, I tell ya'.

Steve and my dad and my brother Jim will be working together. Again. They headed out this morning to their home-away-from-home base in southern Michigan, having the trailers set up and the job site checked out by the time I talked to Steve again this evening.

Handsome trio, aren't they? 

Dad, Steve, Jimmy.

They're a force to be reckoned with, these guys. I'm pretty proud of all of 'em.

Tomorrow begins a new week. Kids go back to school. Steve back to work. Me back to ... everything I do. Have a blessed week.

Clean Slate Sunday: 3.11.12 edition.

It's been an absolutely beautiful day today. Our thermometer read 66 degrees when we got home from all our activities this afternoon and I quickly dumped the shopping bags on the floor and pushed all the south-facing windows open to let the breeze roll through. It felt soooo good.

Now it's getting into evening and cooling off a bit but I've still got those windows cracked open so I can enjoy the fresh air and the sounds of the outdoors. I love this time of year. Not necessarily "mid-March" but the time of year when the temps start rising and the snow is mostly gone and the birds sing all day long - whatever time of year that turns out to be.

Oh, make no mistake. I despise losing that hour of sleep when we switch back to Daylight Saving Time. But sunny days and the kids playing outside all afternoon and the grill on the patio calling my name? This makes me happy.

While Sam was in a class at church today Rachel and I ran a couple of errands. I stopped at one store to pick up a refill for the cat scratcher, but before we made it to the pet section waaay in the back I had to stroll through the gardening supplies.

Be still my heart. So many colorful pieces to add to my decor, indoors or out. Even the houseplants grabbed my attention ... anything to freshen things up a bit. And every time I reached for something, that girl of mine would whisper, "Cat scratcher, mom. Cat scratcher!"

I have trained her well not to deviate from The List. Little stinker.

That's ok. I gave her some ideas for Mother's Day gifts. *ahem*

Anywho, Clean Slate Sunday is all about wrapping up one week and preparing for another, which is what I will spend the rest of the evening doing: last week's laundry, yesterday's dishes, making a meal plan for the week and a list for Tuesday's grocery shopping.

Oh, the excitement. But I do love this life of mine.

And as is par for the course for the Pipe Lifers, change is afoot. Because how would we function without things being shaken up a bit now and then? No worries, it's all good. Details soon ... stay tuned!

Clean Slate Sunday: 3.4.12 edition

Today is one of those days when I don't particularly want a "do over" ... I just want it to be over. And it almost is. So there is that, I guess.

Thank heaven for Clean Slate Sunday.

I'm tired. Tired of being a referee, of feeling unappreciated. Tired of not getting the amount of uninterrupted sleep I really need. Tired of being accused of being selfish any time I do some little thing just for me. I could go on and on but I won't because I'm tired of being grumpy! 'Cause I'm really not a grumpy person, despite what my offspring might tell you some days.

Today they would probably tell you I'm a big meanie. I don't care. I love my children dearly but I am not a doormat. If you're nasty to me, don't think I'm going to feel like putting a nice dinner - or any dinner - on the table for you. If you have enough energy to fight like that, you have enough energy to make yourself a sandwich.

I used to think Steve and I were pretty hard on our kids. I thought we might expect too much of them.

I no longer feel that way. It's just that parenting is tough, and the world doesn't necessarily expect the same things out of our children as we do.

I know having their dad gone a lot is hard for them. I lived it as a kid, too. And I don't expect them to fully understand how good they really have it. I just get fed up with the crap now and then. They push one too many buttons and I hit the wall and I'm done. Fried. Totally over it. So what do I do? I ride out the grumpiness, take some time to myself - today it was ignoring the madness, curling up with a blanket on my bed and reading a book, then snoozing (until I was interrupted again) - and then I take it to God and pray for grace ... and a better attitude.

Tomorrow is the start of a new week, and hopefully something better.

At the least it's a school day and I will have some peace around here for a few hours. Hallelujah.

Clean Slate Sunday: 2.19.12 edition

I am sooo tired. So I'm gonna' make a few notes here and then hit the sack and hopefully get rested up for another busy week ahead.

All last week I felt like I was playing catch-up and never quite got there. Today, one simple thing made me feel like I was finally (almost) on top of things: after we got home from church and before we left the house again for Rachel's Girl Scout meeting I put a roast in the slow cooker for dinner. So when we got home late this afternoon I baked some potato slices for chips to go along with our pork BBQ sandwiches, and the kids and I actually had a home-cooked meal - something other than frozen dinners popped in the microwave - for the first time in several days.

Not that there is anything wrong with frozen dinners.

Family meals are important to me. Whether we kick back in the living room and watch Jeopardy while we eat, or talk with each other around the dining room table, I appreciate the time we spend together when we gather for a meal.

This week part of my plan is to inventory what we have in the freezers and make a menu. Steve will be home for a few days later this week to see his dad and Rachel for their respective birthdays, and I'd like to make his visit as relaxing as possible. Family meals, a clean house to come home to ... that will make it relaxing for me, anyway. Heh.

First, a little reading and a good, long sleep.

Have a blessed week, y'all.

Clean Slate Sunday: 1.15.12 edition

Whew. I am in dire need of that clean slate this week. I feel like I am going in a hundred different directions and getting nowhere fast.

Or not moving at all. And getting nowhere fast.

Whichever.

I'm tired. I started typing out all the things I attribute my exhaustion to, but then I felt like a wuss. Or a whiner. And nobody likes a whiner.

Truth is we just have a lot going on. The kids are active, Steve is settling into a new job, and I'm getting used to having a regular chunk of time committed to a job, too. Although I wouldn't really call it a "job" ... I'm babysitting three days a week for some friends. I am happy to help them out and their toddler is an absolute joy ... but a toddler, nonetheless. I had forgotten how busy little ones can be at that age. I mean, I remember, but I'm older than I was when I was chasing my own kids around. That sure makes a difference. And after almost four years of being a stay-at-home mom, I'm accustomed to having my weekdays to myself during the school year.

So, yeah, it's just life. Perhaps I got way too into the relaxation of Christmas break and having Steve here and I'm still trying to pull myself out of it. My body wants to sleep in every morning, nap and eat and nap during the day, and do lots of nothing in between. My brain, on the other hand, has other plans and works overtime making lists of what needs to be done. Like laundry. Dinner. Taking the dog out. Grocery shopping. Dentist appointments. All that good stuff.

No lists tonight, though. I'm going to bed early and I'm taking a book with me. I plan to distract myself with whatever the story is until I fall asleep.

Tomorrow is a new day. A chance to start fresh. Bring it, Monday!

Hello 2012! We're glad to see ya'.

 

On our way out to meet our friends for New Year's Eve dinner and whatever festivities awaited.

(Uhhh, maybe I should work on losing that double chin this year? Yeesh.)

 Our pals Jason and Amy, me and Steve.

And in a nod to small towns everywhere: our buddy the police chief took this picture for us.

The Countdown Clock.

 My sweet hubby.

 

 The Ball. 

It hung from a crane over the main intersection, all lit up and changing colors all night - pretty cool, until they started lowering it and then the lights went out ... which was a bit anti-climactic. Malfunction, I'm guessing.

The good news, though, is the fireworks display following the Ball Drop was fantastic. I got a little cramp in my neck from looking up so long because they were right above us over the street, but it was so worth it.

Me and Amy, all bundled up!

We had such a great time last night - and honestly, though the Light Up The Lake celebration and the sense of community were awesome, my favorite part of the night was talking and laughing over dinner with great friends, and then chillin' at their house for a while before we headed home. It was probably one of the more memorable NYE celebrations we've had in a long time.

Despite some struggles, the past year has been fairly good to us. I can't say I'm sorry to see 2011 go ... I'm just looking forward to a great year ahead. Steve is headed back to work this week to a new job with a new company (new to us, anyway). The kids are scheduled to go back to school this week, and Sam will be hitting the slopes with the school ski club for the first time. I'm excited about getting back into our routines and making some changes for the better around here. No New Year's resolutions, mind you; I don't do those anymore. But I do try to keep steering my life in a positive direction - spiritually, physically, financially - yes, all those areas where others do make resolutions. Better habits over time is what I'm working toward. God willing, we'll look back on 2012 as a great year, too.

Happy New Year!

Clean Slate Sunday: 12.11.11 edition

God is working on me.

It's difficult to articulate exactly how, but I can say it caused me to smile to myself this morning in church when I discovered one of our lessons was one of my favorite sections of verse.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-24 (NKJV)
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies. Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.
Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.

Through a combination of hearing or reading familiar Bible passages I know and love and digging deeper into those I'm not as familiar with, God is working on me.

Through the people I cross paths with and the things I see and read and experience, my heart is changing. Growing? Maturing in my faith? I don't know. Just ... changing. In a good way.

I've always said I am a work in progress. What I meant was that I am constantly working on bettering myself and becoming the best person I can be. Now I really feel like I'm not the only one at work here, and that's pretty cool.