Today is one of those days when I don't particularly want a "do over" ... I just want it to be over. And it almost is. So there is that, I guess.
Thank heaven for Clean Slate Sunday.
I'm tired. Tired of being a referee, of feeling unappreciated. Tired of not getting the amount of uninterrupted sleep I really need. Tired of being accused of being selfish any time I do some little thing just for me. I could go on and on but I won't because I'm tired of being grumpy! 'Cause I'm really not a grumpy person, despite what my offspring might tell you some days.
Today they would probably tell you I'm a big meanie. I don't care. I love my children dearly but I am not a doormat. If you're nasty to me, don't think I'm going to feel like putting a nice dinner - or any dinner - on the table for you. If you have enough energy to fight like that, you have enough energy to make yourself a sandwich.
I used to think Steve and I were pretty hard on our kids. I thought we might expect too much of them.
I no longer feel that way. It's just that parenting is tough, and the world doesn't necessarily expect the same things out of our children as we do.
I know having their dad gone a lot is hard for them. I lived it as a kid, too. And I don't expect them to fully understand how good they really have it. I just get fed up with the crap now and then. They push one too many buttons and I hit the wall and I'm done. Fried. Totally over it. So what do I do? I ride out the grumpiness, take some time to myself - today it was ignoring the madness, curling up with a blanket on my bed and reading a book, then snoozing (until I was interrupted again) - and then I take it to God and pray for grace ... and a better attitude.
Tomorrow is the start of a new week, and hopefully something better.
At the least it's a school day and I will have some peace around here for a few hours. Hallelujah.