Fear me, for I have loppers.

Happy Earth Day! Are you celebrating? I am.

I will be spending Earth Day with my good friends Mr. Shovel and Mr. Lopper.

Loppers, despite sounding like some sort of weird skin lesions, are a device used to trim shrubs or other vegetation. I paid $1 for these at a garage sale a couple years ago.

How could I resist a giant, scary-looking pair of scissors? These are extra scary looking because they're old and a bit rusty, but hey, they get the job done.

I will be using my tools to eliminate, cut back, or otherwise destroy the bane of my existence: picker bushes.

Oh, they start out looking pretty in the spring, but they are a pain in my tukus and they are quite prolific.

I know we plopped our house down in the middle of the wilderness and wild living creatures of all sorts will forever be encroaching into our space. I get that. But picker bushes? I have yet to discover their purpose on this planet, so I will no longer allow them to take over my yard and grow up through the slats of my deck. They scratch my children's legs and poke my dog's nose.

 Wild strawberries? OK.

Woody plants with thorns? Not OK.

The picker bushes must die.

That's how I am celebrating Earth Day - by killing some of nature's bounty. Perhaps not what the founders had in mind, but at least I will be rejoicing in the sunshine and clean air I have the privilege of breathing while I work.

And I'm not dumping chemicals on the offending vegetation. That's gotta' count for something, right?