It is sometimes difficult to be the one at home, wondering what's happening in the world of the worker and knowing that whatever is happening, good or bad, there isn't a darn thing you can do about it.
Every time I call Steve in the evening and hear lots of noise in the background I imagine him with his work buddies at a sports bar with big-screen TV's and hot wings and beer. Lots of beer.
If I chat with him during his lunch break and he seems a little off, I wonder if he's having a bad day and doesn't want to say anything in front of his coworkers. And what could I say anyway? "I love you. Have a good afternoon." Good lot of help that is.
And then there is the fact that I am just not there at the end of the day to give him a hug and a kiss and help him unwind. Nor is he here for me.
We muddle through it, work around it. It is what it is.
Life at home is settling into a pretty good groove for me and the kids. At least it seemed that way until Steve got cranked up about something at work this week and it just about sent me into a tailspin. The fact that I couldn't be there to read his body language and show him I supported him was tough. That's important to me - I need to be able to look at his face and know that he hears me telling him everything will be fine. Whether he believes it is irrelevant; I just need to know he heard me say it.
This week I am reminded of our song, the first song Steve and I danced to at our wedding: "Faithfully" by Journey. The words of that ballad rang true for us then, and they still do.
Highway run; into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round; you're on my mind
Restless hearts sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love along the wire
They say that the road ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours, faithfully