Thirteen years.

Good morning! I hope all the mamas, aunties, Godmothers, caregivers (and the like) out there had a wonderful Mother's Day. I enjoyed a weekend full of surprises large and small which I meant to share with you last night until I got sidetracked doing something I was supposed to do earlier in the day. Oops. So that post got scrapped in favor of today's most important news in the Pipe Life household: it's our wedding anniversary.

Steve and I had so little time together over the weekend and we really wanted to see both our moms yesterday and we had other obligations to attend to, so we didn't get a chance to celebrate our anniversary at all. And of course today he is back to the daily grind. But rest assured, we will celebrate!

Thirteen years. Wow. Whoda thunk?

And what would an anniversary post be without a sappy tribute?

Because that's just my style. *grin*

He's a pretty awesome guy, that Steve.

And I am blessed to be able to call him mine.

Why I let the dog sleep on our bed. Sometimes.

One of the struggles of the life we lead is having to figure out how to do just about everything long-distance.

Parenting. Budgeting. Encouraging each other. Consulting on vehicle and home repairs. Keeping each other posted on things of note. Saying goodnight.

Comforting each other. (This is where the dog comes in.)

It's been difficult to not have Steve here to hug me when I really need it lately. I know he's been concerned about me and how I am holding up as my grandmother's failing health has all but consumed my days. I keep telling him I'm OK. At least as OK as a person can be when they're losing a loved one.

Oh, I have my moments. Late one night when I couldn't sleep I had my own little sobfest. My heart hurts a little every time I walk through the kitchen and see grandma's extra set of eyeglasses sitting on the counter. I pause when I rifle through my purse for lunch money for the kids and one of the items I set aside is grandma's coin purse - the coin purse she would so lovingly pull a $20 bill from to pay for lunch on the days I took her out.

I took her to have her hair done and we went out to lunch just two weeks ago. Now she's not really eating at all.

Two weeks ago I would hold her hand to keep her steady while she walked from point A to point B. Now we hold her hand while she lies in bed and fades in and out of lucidity.

It was so recently that I hung a picture of grandma on the door of her room so everyone would know this is where you could find Leona. Now she hangs in the balance and all we can do is tell her we love her and that it's OK to leave this room, this world, this life.

Sad? Yeah. Of course it is. But there are so many blessings in this, and I am thankful. One of those blessings is that Steve is doing what he is doing so I can be here at home. I have had the opportunity to care for my grandma and visit her often and spend the most amazing weeks with her, all because Steve's job provides well enough for us that I can be a homemaker.

Steve has given me the gift of time, and I love him for it.

Yes, it stinks that I can't just come home and ask him to hold me while I process all these emotions. But we do what we can. Writing here - writing anywhere - is therapeutic for me. And last night Steve and I had a great conversation via on-line chat (because for whatever reason sometimes that's just easier than talking on the phone) and he helped me sort through some of my feelings and let me vent my frustrations. And he made me laugh. And cry. Both of which I really needed.

We do what we can, and we enjoy the times we are together. When we're not together we figure out ways to make our marriage and life in general work for us. It involves a lot of prayer, a lot of communication with each other, a lot of give and take, and many supportive friends and family members.

There are times when I'm absolutely fine and I sail through the days, and there are times when I feel like my boots got stuck in the mud and I just can't take it anymore.

Either way, good days or bad days, The Pipe Life or some other kind of life, I can't imagine navigating through it with anyone else. For the blessing of such a wonderful partner, I am eternally grateful.

And yes, for the goofy hound dog who always turns three circles before she can lie down, the one who twitches and whines in her sleep while she dreams of treeing raccoons, the one who will sniff at my hair and then sneeze in my ear ... for the comfort of having some warm, breathing being curled up next to me, I am thankful.

I think Steve will forgive me for occasionally allowing Ladybug to sleep on the bed with me. I promise I don't let her use his pillow.

We've come a long way, baby.

It's our anniversary!

Well, Sunday is our anniversary. Steve and I will be celebrating 12 years of wedded bliss.

OK, maybe nine years of wedded bliss and three omg hold on tight 'cause this is gonna' be a bumpy ride kind of years.

Or maybe seven years of wedded bliss, three omg hold on years, and two years of what did you say your name was again?

Add to that five years of dating plus engagement before we got married and that makes 17 years we've been together. That's pretty darn close to 20 years. Two decades! Eeek!

We have so many stories to tell already, I can't imagine what it'll be like in another 20 or 30 years when we (hopefully) have a few grandchildren running around. Steve is an amazing man, a great provider for his family, a loyal friend, a faithful husband. I knew I was in love with him when I was 16-going-on-17, but I couldn't have imagined what life would be like today. It hasn't always been sunshine and roses, but I do believe my life is better today than it would be if I didn't have Steve in it.

This man has been a part of so many important times in my life.

 He was there when I graduated high school.
(Don't we look like babies?)

 He was there when I graduated from college.

(Look! Three-wk-old Sammy made it, too!)

Countless holidays, decisions, celebrations, struggles, good times and bad. He has always been my strongest supporter and my biggest fan. He has been my rock, my constant, my shoulder to cry on, and the one who sets me straight when that's what I need the most. His laid back nature balances out my intensity. His love for life and people and doing the right thing inspires me to be a better person.

He makes me laugh.

I knew I loved Steve when I was what now seems so incredibly young, but I had no idea how much I would love him 17 years later.

Happy anniversary, babe. We've grown up together, now here's to growing old together.

'If ever two were one, then surely we'

There are advantages to being the only adult in the household. Nobody's snoring wakes me up at night and nobody steals my covers, for instance. The toilet seat in the master bathroom stays down. I can stay up as late as I want to and I can feed the kids cereal for dinner. I have full control of the TV remote and the thermostat. And there are fewer pairs of boots to trip over in the entryway.

Advantages, sure. But all together they could not outweigh the benefits of having my husband here at home.

There are the obvious benefits.

Ahem.

Beyond that, I just like having Steve around. He is my best friend and in many ways he completely spoils me. He cooks. He washes the dishes. He tucks the kids into bed. He does all that guy stuff like fixing things and moving furniture and roughhousing with the dog. He listens to me ramble on about all kinds of things and manages to look interested most of the time. He gives me a quick kiss or squeeze or high five when we pass each other in the hallway. He makes me laugh every day. He inspires me to be a better person. Oh sure, he has his faults. We all do. But we also have a way of overlooking those faults or learning to live with some quirky behaviors when we are in love.

I was reminded over the weekend how much I really do love having Steve around. He adds so much life to this place. Or maybe it's the combination of the two of us. I don't know. I just know that I miss him when he's gone and appreciate the times I get to be with him that much more.

On books, relationships, and keepin' it real.

Fourteen.

That's the number of books I found in, on and around our nightstands while I was cleaning the master bedroom the other day.

Fourteen! And any sane person who looked at all those titles would probably come to the conclusion that someone in this house is a total wreck.

I admit it. I am a sucker for self-improvement books. I devour books that have anything to do with struggles I am facing, or books that encourage me along a path I have chosen. Why reinvent the wheel? If someone else in this world has faced the same issues I am facing at any given time and they have managed to come out alive and stronger on the other side - and then wrote a book about it - I am happy to glean inspiration and ideas from them.

The biggest struggle for me lately is being apart from the love of my life while he is working in another state. I know it is a struggle for him, too. So what did I do? I bought him a book. Heh. OK, I actually bought it for him a couple years ago when he first started working away from home again. I had heard the authors speaking on a radio program and I liked their philosophy on how to handle oneself and protect those important family relationships when traveling for business.

(Uh, yeah, I found the book on the nightstand nearly two years later, with Steve's bookmark stuck in the page where he stopped reading. And he hadn't even gotten to the good stuff. Hmph.)

Well, this week I picked up that book to read it myself. Maybe gain a little perspective. Road Warrior: How to keep your faith, relationships, and integrity when away from home has a pretty strong underlying theme: traveling for work gets mighty lonely. Authors Stephen Arterburn and Sam Gallucci know this from experience.

Now, I'm not going to give you a full review of the book, but I will say it ranks pretty high on my Cheez-o-meter. Self-help books tend to do that because everyone who has a story to tell isn't necessarily a good storyteller. That said, Arterburn and Gallucci offer some pretty solid Christ-centered advice on how to protect your heart and your behavior to keep your integrity and your relationships intact while on the road. I'll give an overview.

First, it is important to remember that all of a road warrior's strengths and weaknesses travel with them - always - and that there is some serious potential for personal temptation when away from home. To ward off those temptations, the authors suggest using internal and external "filters". External filters are the things you do on the outside to protect yourself. The best tip, they say, is to look away (or walk away) from anything that does not belong inside your head or heart. Take pictures of your family with you and display them in your hotel room. Travel with your spouse when possible. Keep a rigorous contact schedule with your family while away. Bunk with a friend. If you find yourself in a work situation alone with someone of the opposite sex, speak of your spouse often (and appropriately) to keep an emotional distance between you and your coworker or customer. Internal filters are what a road warrior sets up to actively and consciously develop long-term memories (by being present at key events in their loved ones' lives), purpose (to be known for something other than the job they do), and relationships (because these are what long-term memories and life's purpose spring from).

They list five key relationships that are important to nurture: God for strength, spouse for intimacy, children for development, friends for accountability, and yourself for balance. Each of these relationships needs special care and attention on a daily basis. Each of them adds something unique to a road warrior's life that he or she needs, but cannot find in a hotel room or an airport lounge. The book goes into much more detail. It's a decent book and one that can be useful for either party - the road warrior or the spouse at home.

Here's how it all translates in the Pipe Life household:

1. Remember the vows you took in front of God and everybody. They are serious business.
2. Don't do anything you wouldn't be proud of in the morning; always keep your guard up.
3. Call home, e-mail home, think of home, and above all come home every chance you get.
4. Stay in contact with your friends, too. They love you and care about your well being and will keep you accountable.
5. Keep it real. You might be a hero to your spouse and children, but you are not a rock star.

Having a spouse working away from home or frequently traveling for work is not for everyone. I have seen the devastation it can cause in marriages and families, but I have also seen how relationships can be rebuilt and healed after that devastation. It takes infinite amounts of trust and faith, lots of communication and strength of character for a family to make a go of this lifestyle and remain happy and fulfilled. It certainly is not without its difficulties, and I think we all have our moments when we wonder what the heck we've gotten ourselves into. But in the long run we are blessed with the opportunity to teach our children some pretty valuable life lessons about relationships and communication and sacrifice. Which is good, because I'll take teachable moments over being a rock star any day.