Shitcanned.

I've had just over a day to process all this, so here it is.

Steve was fired. Let go. Cut loose.

Was it related to the economy? No. Work performance? Absolutely not.

Steve lost his job because of personal differences with the company's corporate blowhards. Because he is, in their words, a "disgruntled employee."

WHO DOES THAT?? What is this, the sixth grade?

Listen. We have a son who will turn 13 years old tomorrow. He's in middle school. Sam is at a point when we are teaching him it is a fact of life that he will encounter difficult people. That's just how the world works. We tell him it is his job to always handle himself appropriately and do his best to be kind and respectful to others, no matter how badly their personalities may clash. Sometimes it is helpful to simply walk away, but you can't always just gather up your toys and go home.

Unhappy relationships are tough, but even the best of relationships take work to maintain.

Steve has said working for this company is like being in a bad marriage; nobody communicates, and everybody blames someone else for any infraction.

My husband tried. For months he has set a positive example by going straight to the sources of gripes and grumbles and insisting on working through issues so everyone can move on. In his supervisory role he was probably too kind at times, giving second (or third or fourth) chances and plenty of corrective instruction in order to keep people working.

But he didn't buy into the corporate BS. He is a man of high morals and is driven by things far greater than money: Integrity. Kindness. Family. That's what I see. If you ask him? He was taught to do things the right way - to do the right thing - no matter who was or wasn't watching.

As it turns out, his former employer talks a great talk about putting people first, but their follow-through stinks. In fact, the company's motto is People first 24/7. In our house we've added to it a little: People first 24/7. Unless you're not the right people.

In an interesting twist, my brother worked for the same company, on the same crew as Steve. They fired him, too.

Oh yes they did.

WHO DOES THAT???

In the grand scheme of things we will come out on top. Today I am angry and feeling defensive, yes. (And if Steve wasn't disgruntled before, he sure is now!) Because in 17 years of working in the pipeline industry - and I mean working, putting pipe in the ground, operating equipment, not giving orders or pushing papers from an office - Steve has never come close to being fired. Ever. Has he butted heads with some higher-ups? Of course he has! That's life. The people who have to keep everything within budget and on deadline don't always see eye-to-eye with the folks who have to stand knee-deep in the mud with rain pouring down while they try to bail out the hole so they can work. That's just how it goes. But each has their job to do and most adults can learn to overlook their differences and work alongside each other toward a common goal.

So yeah. I'm pissed off that of all the crappy employees they could have chosen to weed out, they picked two of the best workers in the field. Apparently your work ethic means nothing if you refuse to drink the Kool-Aid.

Whatever. Life goes on. The natural gas industry is a great one to be in these days. Business is booming and it won't be long before both of these guys have settled into new jobs, hopefully far, far away from the corporate madness. The paychecks might be a little slimmer but as long as we can feed our family and keep the bills paid, we're good.

Yesterday I teetered briefly on the edge of madness just thinking about how we'll make it through the next few weeks. Between Steve having some time off between work projects, then coming home to be with his dad during brain surgery, and now being cut loose altogether, we are scraping the bottom of the barrel.

But then the phone started ringing ... friends sent messages of support ... prayer warriors added us to their lists ... and so many people we love collectively took my face in their hands and forced me to focus on what is important: Steve. Sam. Rachel. Me. Our faith. Our family and friends. We are warm and well fed, and we have much for which to be thankful. Praise God.

I'm no Pollyanna, but I can say with confidence today that I know everything will be OK.

I love my smart phone.

This past weekend there was a special youth hunt in Michigan.

No, we weren't huntin' for yoots. We were lettin' da yoots have a go at hunting deer with their weapon of choice before the archery season opens to every Tom, Dick and Harry on October 1.

Since Steve is the mighty hunter in our household, and it was Sam who was excited about going hunting over the weekend, Steve made arrangements to take a quick trip home to take his boy out. That's the good news. The bummer of it was a) it was a very quick trip, and b) Sam did not bag a deer while Steve was here.

What does any of this have to do with my phone? Well I'm gonna' tell you.

Steve left to return to work Sunday afternoon. Sam knew he had one more opportunity to hunt Sunday evening ... he just needed an adult to accompany him. Despite my every protest to his begging and pleading, that adult turned out to be me. I figured I could enjoy a bit of nature and spend some quality quiet time with my first-born. I took my phone along to keep track of the time and, if I got really bored, to play a few games to pass the time.

Sam and I settled in. We shared some candy corn and a few laughs while we waited for dusk. And I groaned to my procrastinating self that I really should have been at the house typing out my newspaper column.

Then I remembered I have an option for creating text documents on my phone. Yes, it requires plunking the words out with my thumbs on the tiny keyboard, but at least I could have my column mostly written when we got back to the house. So there I sat, "tick tick tick tick tick tick ticking" away while Sam kept a lookout for deer.

(Insert "whodathunkit" comment re: technology here.)

When I finally decided I had a good-enough start on my writing, I put my phone away.

Then I pulled it out a few minutes later to snap a random photo of Sam.

Then after we saw two does running full speed through the field - a sign that things were going to get exciting - I sent Steve a text telling him how we were doing.

Sam asked if I would use my phone to take a video of him if he got a chance to shoot something. I promised I would do my best. I suggested we have some fun and make one of those cheesy hunting videos where the subjects do that whisper-yell thing back and forth, all hyped up just to be in the out-of-doors ... maybe some Auzzie accents or somethin'. The look I got was similar to the one in that photo above. Buzzkill.

Fast forward about 2.5 hours ...

It's almost dark. I stand up to stretch. We had seen four or five deer. I'm about to suggest we call it a night when we see another deer come barreling into the clearing. It stops in a stand of weeds and Sam finds it with his scope. It turns and starts walking back toward us and Sam sees that it's a buck. I grab my phone/camera and slide it to Video.

Sam shot. The deer ran. My heart sank.

But I did get it on video, which helped tremendously as we tried to figure out exactly where the deer was when Sam shot and which direction he ran.

It got dark and I used my phone as a flashlight. Yes, there's an app for that.

And when we found the deer - mercifully, not far away - I took pictures with my phone.

It's a nice 4-point, he shot it with a .308, and I wouldn't even guess at the distance. I can tell you it was far enough that I wouldn't have been confident taking the shot myself, and I'm so proud of Sam for how composed he kept himself the whole time.

So in this case, even though I've struggled at times with paying the fees for a bunch of options I don't really need (and who does, really?), today I am in love with my smart phone. It served as a clock, a word processor, communication device, camera and video camera, flashlight, and a potential source for entertainment, all within a couple of hours.

*LOVE!*

Watching my son have a successful hunt and being there to record it? *Double love!*

What is "normal" anyway?

Looking back over my posts here I realize there are times when I do little more than write about the happenings of the day or try to put a humorous twist on misbehaving children or sometimes just transfer the random thoughts from my brain to the computer screen. When I started this blog my intent was to not only keep family and friends posted on the goings-on of our family, but also to share some of the trials and frustrations - and really great moments! - of this lifestyle with other families in the same boat. Being a family with one spouse/parent at home and one on the road is hard and just knowing that others are out there struggling - and celebrating! - with the same issues can be a huge comfort. We've been living this lifestyle on and off for years, but when we first started I didn't really have any source of inspiration or a place to commiserate with like-minded people.

So I look at those random posts and I think "gee, I didn't really offer up any sort of wisdom there" but then I remember that the everyday-blah-blah-normal stuff is just what we do. Just like everyone else, we wake up in the morning and we go to school or work and we live our lives. We just happen to do it a little differently than others. But everybody has something they work around or deal with every day. People tell me how they couldn't imagine living like we do, but to us it's normal. I look at people with severely disabled adult children that need 24/7 care and I think it takes a special kind of person to live that way and feel "normal". I think of military wives who give birth to children while their husbands are in a combat zone, or people who live in hurricane country where it's "normal" to have a 72-hour grab-and-go emergency kit in the front closet and I think wow, these people are tough. Not me. I have a pretty cushy life.

Steve told me recently that while the wife of one of his coworkers was there visiting one evening the guys asked her to give some perspective on being the one left at home. (Hey, what a great idea for a blog!) She said what I think a lot of us would agree with and I've said before: It's hard being the one holding down the fort and not really knowing what the guys are doing out there.

Oftentimes we don't understand the logistics of the job so when our guys tell us (literally) what they did at work today, all we can do is listen. When they say they're going out to grab a bite to eat with the guys, we can't picture who they're with because we don't know their coworkers. When they complain because they had to go all the way across town to pick up something for the job, we can't picture where they're going or what they're driving through. The guys, on the other hand, know exactly what home looks like. They know we're here cooking dinner (or ordering pizza) for their kids every night. They know what our basic schedule is every day, and for a lot of us, they know there are people around to keep us safe, sane, and honest.

The guys asked Steve "what about you?" I imagine he had to look up from sending me a message to tell them that we communicate regularly. We send texts to each other throughout the day - sometimes a lot, sometimes once or twice. We chat on-line, we post updates on Facebook, he reads my blog, we talk on the phone. He sends e-mails to the kids and talks to them on the phone. He comes home as often as he can and we put off doing other things with our budget so that the kids and I can go visit him, too. Those are some of the things we do to make this work. And while it works for us, it might not work for other families.

We've been through those years when I felt insecure about my husband being out in the world by himself with lots of opportunity to stray. We've had those fights about where all the money goes when I'm here trying to pay bills and he's there trying to focus on work so the bills can get paid. We've done that back-and-forth comparison about who has the harder job - him, being away from home and family and working his butt off day after day, or me, being pretty much a single parent and covering all the school activities, all the discipline, all the household stuff and making sure he has a soft place to land when he gets home. None of the arguments very productive at the time, but all of it necessary to get us to where we are today, having learned how important it is to communicate our frustrations and worries to each other and talk things through before either one of us blows up. We laugh about it now, but the cliche is true: communication, communication, communication. It's also important to offer up encouragement, positive reinforcement, and remember to tell each other often how much we appreciate what the other is doing.

Well. That's a whole lot of rambling to say a couple of very simple things: 1) This is normal for us, and sometimes our lives are just as boring as anyone else's and my posts here on the blog will reflect that. I apologize in advance and hope you'll stick with me. I promise I'll make you laugh again soon. And 2) If your family is faced with the same kind of situation with one spouse/parent having to travel for work, take some time to find your own normal. Do what you need to do to make things as comfortable as possible for all of you. If that means the non-traveling spouse/parent keeping the home fires burning, do it. If it means packing everyone into an RV and homeschooling the kids, so be it. Whatever works. I'll be here rambling about our normal and hopefully providing a source of strength for others along the way. And if you'd like to leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail I'll gladly commiserate with you.

On books, relationships, and keepin' it real.

Fourteen.

That's the number of books I found in, on and around our nightstands while I was cleaning the master bedroom the other day.

Fourteen! And any sane person who looked at all those titles would probably come to the conclusion that someone in this house is a total wreck.

I admit it. I am a sucker for self-improvement books. I devour books that have anything to do with struggles I am facing, or books that encourage me along a path I have chosen. Why reinvent the wheel? If someone else in this world has faced the same issues I am facing at any given time and they have managed to come out alive and stronger on the other side - and then wrote a book about it - I am happy to glean inspiration and ideas from them.

The biggest struggle for me lately is being apart from the love of my life while he is working in another state. I know it is a struggle for him, too. So what did I do? I bought him a book. Heh. OK, I actually bought it for him a couple years ago when he first started working away from home again. I had heard the authors speaking on a radio program and I liked their philosophy on how to handle oneself and protect those important family relationships when traveling for business.

(Uh, yeah, I found the book on the nightstand nearly two years later, with Steve's bookmark stuck in the page where he stopped reading. And he hadn't even gotten to the good stuff. Hmph.)

Well, this week I picked up that book to read it myself. Maybe gain a little perspective. Road Warrior: How to keep your faith, relationships, and integrity when away from home has a pretty strong underlying theme: traveling for work gets mighty lonely. Authors Stephen Arterburn and Sam Gallucci know this from experience.

Now, I'm not going to give you a full review of the book, but I will say it ranks pretty high on my Cheez-o-meter. Self-help books tend to do that because everyone who has a story to tell isn't necessarily a good storyteller. That said, Arterburn and Gallucci offer some pretty solid Christ-centered advice on how to protect your heart and your behavior to keep your integrity and your relationships intact while on the road. I'll give an overview.

First, it is important to remember that all of a road warrior's strengths and weaknesses travel with them - always - and that there is some serious potential for personal temptation when away from home. To ward off those temptations, the authors suggest using internal and external "filters". External filters are the things you do on the outside to protect yourself. The best tip, they say, is to look away (or walk away) from anything that does not belong inside your head or heart. Take pictures of your family with you and display them in your hotel room. Travel with your spouse when possible. Keep a rigorous contact schedule with your family while away. Bunk with a friend. If you find yourself in a work situation alone with someone of the opposite sex, speak of your spouse often (and appropriately) to keep an emotional distance between you and your coworker or customer. Internal filters are what a road warrior sets up to actively and consciously develop long-term memories (by being present at key events in their loved ones' lives), purpose (to be known for something other than the job they do), and relationships (because these are what long-term memories and life's purpose spring from).

They list five key relationships that are important to nurture: God for strength, spouse for intimacy, children for development, friends for accountability, and yourself for balance. Each of these relationships needs special care and attention on a daily basis. Each of them adds something unique to a road warrior's life that he or she needs, but cannot find in a hotel room or an airport lounge. The book goes into much more detail. It's a decent book and one that can be useful for either party - the road warrior or the spouse at home.

Here's how it all translates in the Pipe Life household:

1. Remember the vows you took in front of God and everybody. They are serious business.
2. Don't do anything you wouldn't be proud of in the morning; always keep your guard up.
3. Call home, e-mail home, think of home, and above all come home every chance you get.
4. Stay in contact with your friends, too. They love you and care about your well being and will keep you accountable.
5. Keep it real. You might be a hero to your spouse and children, but you are not a rock star.

Having a spouse working away from home or frequently traveling for work is not for everyone. I have seen the devastation it can cause in marriages and families, but I have also seen how relationships can be rebuilt and healed after that devastation. It takes infinite amounts of trust and faith, lots of communication and strength of character for a family to make a go of this lifestyle and remain happy and fulfilled. It certainly is not without its difficulties, and I think we all have our moments when we wonder what the heck we've gotten ourselves into. But in the long run we are blessed with the opportunity to teach our children some pretty valuable life lessons about relationships and communication and sacrifice. Which is good, because I'll take teachable moments over being a rock star any day.