We sprung granny from the nursing home yesterday. And just in time, because I think she was about to go postal on her roommate who liked to leave her lights and her television on all. night. long.
The medical care facility is a wonderful place for folks who need round-the-clock care. God blessed those nurses and aides and cooks and maintenance people with hearts as big as the sun, I think, and a whopping load of patience on the side. But grandma can do a lot for herself and really just needs someone to be there for some specific things - to keep track of her medications, to help steady her sometimes, to make sure she eats properly. So rather than keep her in a busy, noisy medical care facility, we moved grandma to a quieter, homier setting in an adult foster care home.
The kids had the day off school yesterday due to the weather, so I asked Rachel to come along with me to help move grandma.
If there was ever a time I wished I could have snapped my fingers and had everything done in an instant, it would have been yesterday. I was not prepared for how physically and emotionally taxing the day would be, and I wasn't even the one moving! It just seems like every time I see grandma, which is at least a couple times a week, I don't even realize that my body tenses up until our visit is over and I'm about halfway home and I start to ache. I don't know why I get so tense but it's probably because I get nervous about grandma falling when I take her out, and it's hard to relax when I'm always on high alert ready to jump when she says she needs something.
Plus yesterday it was ridiculously cold and windy and a lousy day to move, even if all we were moving was two big boxes and two plastic bags and a Christmas cactus.
As far as the emotions of it all, I just had a hard time leaving her at her new home. Grandma seemed happy and excited about the independence she'd have now. But it's still not home, and I didn't want her to be lonely. On top of that, with her independence comes more responsibility for our family to make sure grandma's prescriptions are filled and doctor appointments are met and any of her other needs outside of what the AFC home provides are taken care of. That's fine, and how it should be, but I'm used to my parents taking care of all that so it's all new to me.
I don't want to fail her. Or my parents.
Nor do I want to let my own home and my relationships with Steve and our children fall into disarray because I've gotten so busy running around meeting others' needs. So I'm trying to carve out time for everybody. I took a couple nights to go visit Steve late last week for some much-needed mommy and daddy time. In the evenings I've been trying to read with Rachel or sit and watch TV and chat with Sam. And I've been trying - key word trying - to drag myself to bed at a decent hour at night so I can at least face every new day rested, even if I don't know what the day holds.
Sometime over the next week I'll have to find a few hours to do some Christmas shopping, and then wrap those gifts, and maybe even put up a Christmas tree. Because ya' know what? The holidays are coming whether I think I have the time or not.